


Concrescence

by coley_merrin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/M, Pregnancy, Sexswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4515870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coley_merrin/pseuds/coley_merrin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jungah has always known that she was going to marry the Obelus Group heir but she never actually thought she would fall in love with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Concrescence

**Author's Note:**

> This was nearly titled "The Husband Acquisition"
> 
> Written for the [Girl!Exo fic exchange.](http://girlexochange.livejournal.com/27447.html)

***

“I do,” Jungah said, her eyes on Minseok’s.

It felt like there was an exhale in the room. Maybe not everyone expected her to run away, but considering Jungah had had that absurd little fantasy that had almost had her giggling as she and her father had waited outside of the grand doors, she couldn’t have blamed them. If they’d known how little the chance had been of her running, maybe they wouldn’t have worried. Jungah’s parents were counting on her, had groomed her for what they likely considered to be the most important job of her life: being an important man’s wife.

And that was why Jungah had woken up that morning and been helped into a grand, white dress, why she’d had a moment of deer-in-the-headlights as the doors opened on hundreds of guests, and all eyes, including her groom’s, were on her. Jungah remembered that place she had gone to in her head when she had performed in dance recitals, when she was not Jungah, but a conduit. Those people who turned to stared didn’t want to see Jungah, they were there to see Minseok and Jungah, Minseok’s Bride. So that was what she became, as she walked to him, as she married him. And after, hooking her arm with Minseok’s, in her mind almost becoming some kind of a princess as they proceeded back down the aisle.

A wedding was a performance, but she couldn’t let herself think too much on what came after, with all the people they left, and certainly not after when there was only going to be two of them. It was the two of them then, in the staging room before the reception. Maybe it had been planned that way, a moment for the newly wedded couple to get their bearings, to reflect on what they’d just accomplished. Two families joined. Two fortunes, of a sense, though Jungah in that way was certainly marrying up.

But there in the silent room, what Jungah hadn’t expected was for Minseok to keep so close. She tried to focus on his eyes, and instead focused on the black, crisp bow tie, wanting to tweak it if only for the excuse to straighten it up again. She’d had years to imagine him as her husband, but it was still a little startling to not have it be an abstract, an eventuality. It was real. He looked almost a little giddy, a little relieved, and Jungah wondered how much she echoed that.

“I almost couldn’t breathe when the doors opened and I saw you,” Minseok said, his thumb brushing against her jaw, making her dangling earring jangle. She breathed in, waiting for words to say, thanks, something to demure, anything. All she could do was stare at him, realizing that in some way he’d found her stunning.

Jungah tipped her head when Minseok made to kiss her, their second kiss after their vows, and their third, and fourth as Minseok gently cupped her neck. She lost track of time, her fingers tracking the soft fabric of his tuxedo, and they both startled as the door flew open and the wedding planner came in like a whirlwind and staff parted them. The makeup artist touched up her face for pictures that they were going to have to pose for next, and Jungah glanced over to where Minseok was standing, discussing something with the wedding planner and his mother who had appeared at his side.

Jungah was almost embarrassed to have been caught there, kissing Minseok— kissing her husband. There was nothing embarrassing about it, and it wasn’t something she could focus on when she had to take pictures with half of the universe, until her cheeks were hurting and she was blissfully given some juice to sip before another round of people were herded through. It was a circus that ended in a catered dinner, sitting at Minseok’s side in a different dress than she’d been married in. The food, that she didn’t really remember. It was food, edible. There was entertainment, during it, something the mothers had overseen and that Jungah hadn’t even thought to be worried about until the slideshow started and the first picture was of Jungah as a baby with her mouth smeared with some unidentifiable food.

Jungah shot Minseok an indignant look when he both laughed and cooed, but got her revenge because there was Minseok, maybe two in nothing but an oversized shirt and shaving cream and she grinned wickedly as he covered his face. It was a history, she was gathering, of their lives on their way to where they were right there. There were milestones, separately. Birthdays, graduations, the changing of years, right up to adulthood. And then the screen changed, to an older picture than the last one they’d seen, one of Minseok a little sulky in a suit and a tiny girl in a frilly dress clinging to his shirt. Jungah had been three in that picture, and Minseok a few years older.

The first meeting, it was entitled, and there were definite awws from the audience. There was another, when Jungah had been around ten, though she could see the “why do I have to stand next to a boy?” written all over her face. The next was a party for Minseok’s high school graduation, where they stood together looking more like distant cousins being coached to smile by their mothers. The next, Jungah’s college graduation. She was almost gleaming with pride in the picture, holding flowers that she only vaguely remembered Minseok bringing.

They’d both known and understood before that point that they would be married.

Even if Jungah felt like she had always known that she would marry Minseok, it was a different thing to see and really understand just how long they had known of each other. She had a wry moment imagining that as soon as her mother knew she had had a girl, of calling Minseok’s mother and formalizing the betrothal then, even if she knew that it had been years later.

Everyone burst out laughing at the ridiculous faces they were making at each other in their engagement party photo. Minseok reached for her hand, and Jungah remembered his joke just before the picture had been taken. They’d been laughing together, in the midst of their awkwardness. Even if they’d had years of pictures, how little she’d known him when they’d been celebrating being engaged.

And not a whole lot had changed as she squeezed Minseok’s hand, married to him.

But with the pictures, the speeches, the embarrassment over, there was cake. The cake she took from Minseok’s fingers, nearly sinking her teeth into the pad of his thumb as he laughed at her, his eyes dancing, and took his own piece gently from her fingers. That had been good, sweet and tart, and for a moment it almost felt like a birthday celebration, something wild and exciting. 

“Good cake,” Minseok said, teasing her.

“Good, because that was the only layer I got to choose,” Jungah laughed. Close like that, for a moment it almost looked like he wanted to kiss her, and Jungah almost leaned in before they were ushered to their next display.

They danced, the first dance of their married life to someone crooning a song about love and promises. Jungah rested her head on Minseok’s shoulder and let him lead her, feeling the fatigue in her back and her neck. He’d given her the wedding fit for a princess, the wedding his family had wanted for him. It hadn’t even occurred to her during the planning of it that Minseok might have wanted something different.

“Would you have changed anything?” she asked, lifting her head a little so she could speak easily and close. And then she half regretted it, wondering if maybe his choice of bride was what he would’ve changed.

“People will be talking about this for months,” Minseok said. “But I think it would have been just as nice with just us and our families.”

Minseok rested his head against hers, and she held him just a little closer. It was nice to share that feeling with him, at least, after everything else.

***

It wasn’t as though they were living out some scene from the past, where Jungah was the nervous, possibly unwilling bride, and Minseok the conquering hero. Jungah was hardly in the dark about things, and even if most of her practical experience had arrived by the product of her own explorations, she at least knew how her body worked and that if Minseok was even the slightest bit conscientious that their wedding night could be a night of pleasure - and any number of nights afterward. Even if she realized it was intended as more of a merger of families than it was something intended for her and Minseok to enjoy, she knew also it hadn’t been set up as a thing for them to hate. Happiness was the option, the hope, not the guarantee. That was what she’d been telling herself, the whole lead-up to the wedding itself, and it wasn’t any less true when she sat up a little straighter at the sound of the hotel’s outer suite door opening.

It was Minseok’s voice, saying goodbye to whoever had walked him up, and then silence and the padding of feet across the carpet. She heard a door close, and the running of water told her it was the bathroom outside of the master suite. Even if logic told her she had little to fear, it was another thing for the apprehension to totally leave her. The lights were still up, not all of them, mostly the ones by the bed and the dim one overhead near where she was sitting on a shallow settee. She’d been there fifteen minutes at most, having showered, her wedding dress hung away and a confection of silk edged with lace put on, with a silken wrap over that. She’d taken down the complicated wedding arrangement of her hair, twisting it up instead in a clip so that it was out of its way, until she wanted it otherwise.

The first few minutes sitting there in the dim light, she’d imagined what would happen, how he would touch her, how he’d kiss - if the kisses previous had meant anything. And when that had made her ache a bit, she’d moved on to thumbing through a magazine, mostly looking at the pictures of various food items and recipes than actually reading the words in between. But she was still, and almost felt like she had the upper hand, when Minseok came into the room. His face was damp, freshly washed, his shirt open at the collar and his jacket and tie gone. No, if there had ever been a doubt that she’d found him appealing, it wasn’t then.

“Minty fresh?” Jungah asked, smiling when he spotted her.

Minseok laughed, closing the door behind him to their room in the suite. It wasn’t strictly necessary, since it was only just them in the suite itself, but it was another layer of intimacy, and another bump in her pulse.

“Your text that all was ready was passed along,” Minseok said.

“And they made sure you were delivered safely, I heard,” Jungah joked.

“Some traditions can’t be broken, even if I wouldn’t have gone anywhere else.”

When Minseok held out his hand, she took it, though he didn’t tug her up, instead settling on the settee beside her and keeping a hold on her as she turned toward him. It put them close, the length of their thighs together, and his free arm stretching out behind her back.

“I know I heard every plan for today, and I nodded and said okay, but it was still more of a circus than I was expecting,” Minseok said. Though he winced a bit, as though insulting their wedding day maybe wasn’t the best thing to lead off with. “Are you as tired as I am?”

“My cheek muscles haven’t been this sore ever,” Jungah bemoaned, and Minseok laughed, letting go of her hand to rub against her cheek for a moment. “I don’t know if circus covers it. It was like being in a school play, but always on stage.”

Minseok made a noise of agreement, stretching out his neck a little and taxing his probably tired face muscles a little more to smile at her.

And Jungah realized, in even that small conversation, she’d forgotten to be anxious, and remembering they weren’t just there to have a chat and trade stories had her inhaling a bit more sharply than she’d intended. That he could put her at ease, that was good. Everything else, she didn’t know.

“There’s no rush,” Minseok told her, watching her tense up. “As long as we make our flight in the morning, the time between is ours.”

That was nice, too, letting her know that he wasn’t rushing her. Though if he was tired, and she knew she was tired, she had no intention of spending the night napping and holding hands. Waiting was the one thing she knew she didn’t want.

“This is one of the perks,” Jungah told him, both needing to believe it, and wanting him to grin, just like he did.

“It is. And I feel like I should know this already, but our parents were such go-betweens. I know our parents want that grandchild, but do we need to be careful? Did you want to wait before we make it possible a baby could happen?”

It had to be a hard question for him to ask. Especially, as he said, with the pressure of their parents. If anyone knew they’d deliberately waited, there would be a search for reasons and someone to blame. Jungah knew that would fall on her, eventually. But that wasn’t what drove her decision. That was want alone, a curling kind of warmth in the lead-up to the wedding, of knowing what was waiting ahead of her. She wanted everything.

“We don’t have to be careful. I’ll be happy anticipating the possibility no matter when it happens,” she told him, and the smile on his face was not relief, but maybe something like happiness that they were on the same page, something that made her smile, too as he leaned in closer.

“Me too. I feel like I’ve never been more ready. May I?” he asked, his hand hovering at the ornate hair clip, and she nodded, holding still so he could squeeze the clasp and free it. He tossed the clip onto the side table, using his fingers to smooth her hair down over her shoulder. “I missed it being free like this today. But still, when those doors opened, I had to pinch myself that you were walking toward me to marry me!”

“Oh no, flattery,” Jungah laughed, but she was flattered all the same, feeling her face heating a bit as he clucked his tongue to verify his sincerity. She knew the dress had made an impact, because she’d been complimented on it dozens of times.

“I feel like I’m going to have to thank you for taking it down, so I didn’t have to fumble,” Minseok said, still playing with her hair. “How many pins were in it?”

“Not as many as I thought, but still a lot,” Jungah said, covering her face for a moment. “When they were putting them in, I didn’t think they’d have enough room for more, and I thought I had them all and still found another when I was brushing it.”

“It was pretty,” Minseok said, stroking along her hair again. “I like it like this, though. And the curls you had once? They were just spilling out of some…”

He made a motion to indicate some kind of hairstyle he didn’t have a word for and she laughed, leaning into his stroking hand and admiring his face there in the light. If he was waiting for an invitation, that seemed to be it, leaning in closer and cupping her jaw as he kissed her. The kiss, it wasn’t sweet, but neither was it rough, like he was enjoying her lips against his, humming as she kissed him back, told him that she wanted more from the way that she kissed him.

The hand that he rested, inert, against her bare knee, made her shiver, and it only had him moving closer, rubbing his lips against hers. But he stilled, as she pulled his hand higher, until she could press it against the loose tie of her robe. That was its own invitation, moving from the first tentative touches, and beginning to wade in.

It wasn’t as though the cloth did much to hide, but the lace under it did even less, with the ribbon that tied under her breasts and sheened fall below it. She wriggled the robe down behind her, and knew that he’d seen her in a lot of things, but nothing like that. Minseok had known her as a child, as a gangling teenager. 

She wondered how many times he’d thought of her as a woman.

“Jungah,” Minseok murmured, and she knew he did then. The filmy cloth against her skin, the slight chill of the air, it made the warmth of him even better, his kisses, the touches against her side, around her shoulders as she leaned into him.

Jungah’s eyes rolled back as Minseok kissed down her neck, reaching with one hand to fumble with his shirt button, and when that failed, with two. She got to the last above his belt and he was groaning, yanking up the fabric for her to undo the last buttons. It felt like a milestone, except that he had on an undershirt, too, but that, all Jungah had to do was watch as Minseok grunted, yanking the cloth over his head and throwing it. Jungah didn’t even see where it landed, her hands against his chest, and laughing as he drew her right back in, kissing her like he couldn’t get enough, stroking her through the cloth. Her side, her back, sliding down her leg until there wasn’t anything left but his skin and hers. And he almost seemed to pause, sliding up under the cloth, giving her time to slow him down, but she didn’t want to. She wanted him to pull her into his lap and have something to rock against. She ached at the sounds he made, the sureness of his hands, his mouth on hers.

Minseok’s hand slid up over her thigh, up over her hip, and she heard his inhale as he nuzzled her cheek, processing what he found. What he didn’t find.

“Seemed like, ah, unnecessary complication,” Jungah said. There was going to be enough awkward moments without having to wrestle with underwear. She supposed she could’ve gotten some with ties, but it seemed more straightforward.

Minseok’s moan as he kissed her, squeezed against her skin made it seem like he didn’t mind. The way he was stroking against her, it was driving her wild, making her whimper as she slipped her hand up into his hair. He was still kissing her when he quietly cursed, maneuvering himself, standing up and tugging her with him until his arms were around her and she could feel how hard he was against her belly.

“I should’ve thought that through,” Minseok groaned, lowering his head to her shoulder. “Bed. Is the bed okay?”

Kissing him was her answer, and he walked her back toward it, half a dozen steps, a few more, but she didn’t worry with his hands guiding her. His hand squeezed around hers as he traced the contour of one of her breasts with the other, and the lace was only obstruction then. And he thought so, too, tugging at the ribbon and parting the cloth, and it dropped, the sound of it shivering through her.

“Amazing,” he murmured, and his hands were warm against her ribs as he tugged her close, her nipples rubbing against the skin of his chest as he kissed her. But his hands dropped, her hips, her thighs, curving enough as he stroked that Jungah gasped as he skimmed against the wet of her.

“Okay, okay,” Minseok said, yanking back his hands and undoing his belt, his pants. He helped her onto the bed, and her eyes glanced both to and away the skin he bared, seeing how ready he was, caught between cool sheets and the heat of his body as he pressed against her side, kissed her, and eventually, covered her.

There was a confidence to the kisses he pressed against her skin that didn’t feel just like eagerness, like he’d honed that somewhere, not the first time he’d kissed along a woman’s skin. His parents probably hadn’t cared if he dated, discreetly, as long as he was prepared to do his duty. Jungah had been too pragmatic to date, even without her parents telling her she shouldn’t. She’d had a few crushes, but when she’d understood they’d marry, she didn’t think there had been any reason to introduce that unhappiness into her life - the thought of marrying someone when she was in love with someone else. She hadn’t felt incomplete because of it. 

Though, she couldn’t even be glad that one of them knew what they were doing, because maybe she hadn’t slept around but she was hardly ignorant.

But she pushed it away, that wondering, not because she didn’t care, but because it felt good and she wanted that.

Minseok’s lips sealed around her nipple and she moaned for him, her knees lifting, hips seeking, and there, solid, warm, he rubbed down against her and her head arched back as they rocked together.

“Yes,” Minseok rumbled, and Jungah could only echo him, clutching against his hair, lifting against him until he was sliding slick against her and moaning for her.

“Please,” she begged, because it was too much, she wanted too much, needed to know, needed more. And he was so tense, so careful, nodding, pressing against her, letting her breathe, and the ridiculous realization of oh, she was married, settled through her. She wasn’t just having a fling, but needing a husband. And Minseok, her eyes widened as she took in his face. His lips damp from kissing her, his hair mussed from her fingers. She wanted to kiss him again, she wanted—

“You’re bigger than my fingers,” Jungah half babbled, her body involuntarily tight around him, muscles rippling inside.

Minseok moaned after a moment, his hips rocking against hers. “Did you ever think of me, when you…?”

Jungah nodded, clutching at his shoulder blades. “I thought about tonight.”

Minseok kissed her, and she sighed for him, kissing him back, encouraging him as their hips nudged together. He kissed her until he couldn’t move and kiss at the same time, around the same time when the stretch of him wasn’t so sharp, and her body tightened for him, not in defense, but want. Her hand slipped between them, rubbing as his hips rolled, as he moaned for her, enjoyed her. Pleasure popped through her in sudden little bursts, and Jungah shuddered, his eyes on her as she came, as she breathed in and tried to hold onto it as long as she could. That was it, that was the feeling she’d been wanting.

“Minseok,” Jungah almost whimpered, and she opened her eyes to see the tightness on Minseok’s face.

It took not much longer before she experienced a man coming for her for the first time, the nudging of his hips, the strain of his body, and she knew what it felt to hear him say her name. Kind of like art, messy, sweaty, desperate art. But the throbbing that started when Minseok moving stopped, that was half pleasant, half not, and she held back most of the wince as he pulled out of her.

They’d gotten so far by doing, and suddenly there was silence, and after a moment of that, of breathing, Minseok chuckling, ducking his head.

“I feel like I should say something, but nothing sounds right.”

“Nice marrying you?” Jungah suggested, and Minseok laughed, brushing her face with his fingers as he climbed out of bed.

“You win with that one. I feel like a drink. Do you want something?”

“Is there juice?”

Jungah didn’t get up, tugging at the sheet a little but just watching as Minseok explored. He came back with two bottles, pouring them into fancy wine glasses and offering her one before squeezing onto the bed beside her.

“Happy wedding night,” Minseok said, and their glasses clinked together.

Minseok kissed her, slipping his arm behind her neck and drinking deep. Jungah wondered if he knew why she stayed as she was. Not because she was sore, or because she was lazy. Her only admonition from her mother was to stay in bed, maximize her chance of a wedding night baby. She wasn’t there only to be his wife, after all, and her cheeks stayed flushed at the thought. Though she had to get up eventually, after their drinks were gone, after Minseok regaled her with all the things that had gone wrong on his end before the ceremony, almost making her sputter apple juice over both of them.

But it made her grin, a little, after they’d turned out the lights, when his hand covered hers. He couldn’t help himself.

“Was it okay?”

“It was…great,” Jungah said, and it was true. Of all the multitudes of ways it could’ve gone wrong, it had been exactly that. Awkward, intense. Maybe, when they got more comfortable, they could talk more, give more guidance.

The wedding hadn’t just been for show. She was married. It had been close and not close to what she imagined, and what she felt about that, she had no idea. But her body was there before her mind, and she was more than ready to sleep, falling deeper to the sound of Minseok’s even breaths.

***

Jungah was still sleepy when she dressed in her pre-arranged traveling clothes, leaving behind a bag of things to be sent ahead to Minseok’s— their home. All she took was her shoulder bag, and her packed suitcase, not that she ever had to touch it. Someone took it for her from the car at the airport, and that was that. It was checked, gone, and all she had to do was follow Minseok through security and be guided into their first class seats. She couldn’t even imagine alcohol that early in the morning, so she opted for juice, laughing a little as she tapped her cup with Minseok’s.

“I always worry a little, right up to getting onto the plane,” Minseok said. “Now, no more worrying for the next week.”

“No more worrying,” Jungah agreed.

Minseok settled in with a newspaper after the flight took off, though Jungah opted to nap, waking momentarily to a blanket being spread over her legs before lapsing back into a doze. Minseok’s hand on her arm woke her for their lunch, though she got up first, stretching, visiting the bathroom and inspecting her face in the mirror. She didn’t look different. There was no “married” brand standing out on her skin, with the exception of her ring. And aside from the occasional lingering twinges when she moved just the right way, she was no worse for the wear from their wedding night. It’d fade, she figured, hopefully before the next time. Whenever that next time was going to be.

But after lunch, there was only time for a movie before they were starting their descent, and Jungah watched, amazed, as water gave way to patches of land, islands, almost looking like they would land in the water for a moment before it was obvious that their wheels had hit something solid. Maybe it was the rush of landing, but that was when the giddiness started. They were there. It was paradise, to be sure, but it was theirs to explore, their adventure. It was something different than the ordinary, than places she’d been a dozen times.

Minseok grinned, seeing her excitement, taking her hand and disembarking with her together. Their bags were wheeled out, personally, and all they had to do was get into a car and relax, and ooh and ahh over the scenery, the water, the trees. All she wanted to do was run out onto one of those beaches and sink her toes into the sand, but she couldn’t, not until they were checked in at their resort, until they were guided to their private little bungalow that overlooked the ocean. Jungah thought she held her composure well, until they were alone, and she almost shimmied, squeezing Minseok tight as they looked over their view, over the stairs that led down to the beach.

“It’s gorgeous!” she exulted, and didn’t care if Minseok thought she was completely ridiculous. “Did you want to go for a walk and explore?”

Minseok wasn’t looking at the water, she realized, but at her. And she startled, when she realized that, grinning a bit hesitantly, a bit hopefully, as she waited for Minseok’s answer.

“Let’s go explore,” he agreed, and he caught her before she could dance away, kissing her soundly.

That made her a little giddy too, as she chose a pair of shorts and fluttering top, spraying herself down liberally in the bathroom with sunscreen and almost forgetting to clip back her hair under her hat to keep it from going wild in the warm wind. Minseok was ready in shorts and sandals by the time she emerged, and he reached for her hand again as they closed up their room behind them.

“Oh, did you have sunscreen?” Jungah asked.

Minseok, in his own hat, gave her a thumbs-up. “All set,” he said.

It was still gorgeous up close, the sand, the water. There were smells of the ocean, and coolness against their legs kept it from being too warm with the last remnants of the sun. Jungah felt she might’ve been content to stay there until well after the sun set, if it hadn’t been for the wafting scent of food, and the way that Minseok’s head turned because of it. He was ten feet in front of her, up to his thighs in the water, and Jungah could almost hear his stomach growl from where she was.

“I think we’ve worked enough for our dinner,” Jungah called, and she just barely escaped the splashing as Minseok made his way to her, sliding his arm around her shoulders and walking with her toward that enticing smell.

“I wonder what’s to eat?” Minseok wondered. And he almost made her squeal, pretending to nip at her neck.

But dinner had just been what she needed, flagging from the travel and not enough sleep. But they had a tiny table for two, more food than they could finish, and they were dressed no less than anyone else around them.

“What do you think so far?” Minseok asked, both of them full and sluggish as they let themselves back into their home away from home.

“I don’t suppose you’d want to set up your office here?”

Minseok laughed, carefully locking the door behind him but leaving the windows wide so they could still admire the view.

“When they wanted me there in person, that’d be quite a commute,” he said, and the hug was easy to walk into. Minseok smelled like smoke, like the ocean, and he hummed, holding her just a little closer.

“It’ll be a dream, then.”

“I saw there’s a waterfall shower in there,” he said, and Jungah nodded, having admired that earlier. “Want to try it with me?”

“I’d like that,” Jungah murmured, and Minseok kissed her, kissed her until he chased her into the bathroom first. She turned on the water, set it to her liking as she undressed, and had just stepped into it before he made his way into the bathroom, too. The water was nothing like a covering, nothing like the half dark had been as Minseok slid his hands along the wet of her hips and kissed against her shoulder.

The shower had been like paradise, but so had closing the drapes of their room, and leaving their robes lying over a chair. Jungah fell asleep, stretched out under the sheet, to the sound of Minseok typing on his laptop keyboard, after asking her if the light bothered her. It did, a little, but she was too tired to notice, exhausted by the first day of her honeymoon.

It had been more than she had expected.

 

***

The honeymoon almost felt like a trial that they had never been granted before the wedding. Endless stretches of time to spend together, no distractions besides the little fires that Minseok had to put out for work occasionally on his phone or his laptop. He tried to make those as unobtrusive as possible but he stayed up a couple of nights, and had to sit there with part of a bagel hanging out of his mouth as he furiously typed away with his thumbs. That had been amusing.

They did well when they had something to do, little mini trips on the island to plan, discussing what they wanted to eat, where they wanted to walk, whether Jungah was worried that Minseok had a coffee addiction. He’d only drank a pot full, all black and steaming, and Jungah hadn’t had the necessary means to doctor it to her liking. But watching him enjoy it had been good enough. There was a never-ending supply of fresh juices, sparkling water, and it suited the view off of their pristine deck.

It was different than vacationing with her friends, because there were more shared experiences with her friends, comparisons she could make, an ease and familiarity. Jungah knew a lot about Minseok’s life, but most of it had been hearsay, and each time she told a story, if the silence seemed to lapse too awkwardly during a meal or when they were sitting in the sand, she had a momentary flash of panic wondering if he’d heard it already. 

It wasn’t like she was auditioning for a job. In the position of wife, she’d already signed her acceptance. But she didn’t want him to find her inane, or too chatty, or whatever it was that he might dislike. Minseok had laughed at her jokes, seemed engaged when she talked to him and not like he was frozen in some vacation hell. He seemed to enjoy her in bed.

Her aspiration to have him like her for more than that, at the very least, seemed not too big a thing to want. There’d been a reason she’d liked being around him, as a child, so she was still going to continue remembering why that was and fit those pieces together with the man she was getting to know.

And even as she was admiring how he’d managed to keep the interference of his job to a minimum, it crept right up.

Jungah knew there would be times that she would be dragged along by Minseok to outings for purposes of the company, but on their honeymoon hadn’t been one she’d been expected. But Jungah just listened, smoothing sunscreen onto her skin as Minseok had gotten very nearly exasperated on the phone with his parents.

“Did you happen to know he was here when you picked this island?” Minseok asked, rocking back onto his heels, and rolling his eyes in her direction, looking apologetic even before he hung up.

“All play and no work is apparently not allowed,” Minseok said. So, the beach was out, then. For then, anyway.

It was an investor, quite an important one from the sound of it. He was in the main hotel, a good five minute walk from their little getaway. At least they didn’t have to worry about being seen on the porch or the beach kissing, which had been half what she’d been worried about before Minseok had told her where the man was staying. Her first “official” outing, and the wedding didn’t count, and if she’d been off that day, she could’ve chalked it up to nerves, or exhaustion. Minseok, as heir to the Obelus Group, a giant of electronics and accessories, had been a catch most mothers dreamed of, but his fate and hers had been planned well in advance.

Jungah had touched up her makeup, her hair, putting on clothes a little more concealing before at least enjoying a very beautiful walk on their way. It was something they could get over with, and the man had been expecting them. He was pleasant, at least, older than them by a couple of decades and interested in how their trip was going and promising he wouldn’t keep them long. Wink, nudge. That had Jungah looking away, admiring the view out the wide, open doors that led to the beach and letting Minseok be in his element as the men made plans to meet up back in Seoul. Jungah had her little spiel prepared if she was asked or acknowledged, prepared to say what she had planned to do when they left to go back, to settle in in their home, get to know the area.

But instead, the man looked at her and smiled.

“What do you think? Did I make a good decision investing in the company?”

It took her aback a moment, but as prepared as she had been to talk about being Minseok’s wife, she was ready for that.

“I’m sure more people would like to be in your position,” Jungah said. “Each quarter is stronger, and performing better year over year. And Minseok has turned the cell phone accessories division into a huge asset. As long as they keep on that path…?”

The man laughed, and Jungah had to fix her smile a little because she wasn’t sure exactly what kind of a laugh that was even as Minseok squeezed a bit on her fingers. But she didn’t dare to look at Minseok when her cheeks were already threatening to heat.

“Well said,” the man told her, and looked to Minseok. “Watch out, or your wife will have too many people clamoring to get a piece of your company.”

Jungah let Minseok finish up, standing and listening, smiling, giving her best wishes before they left. She stepped down onto the sand first, standing and waiting as they talked a moment more and Minseok stepped down to join her. Jungah offered her hand and Minseok took it, their hands swinging lightly as they made their way down the path. They were well out of sight when Minseok seemed to give in, laughing and putting his arm around her shoulder instead.

“You charmed him to death,” Minseok said, jostling her as they almost danced down the bridge toward where they were staying. “Did my parents give you some kind of a score card or something?”

As though their parents were the only reason Jungah would have been motivated to be interested.

“I bet they wish they’d have thought of that,” Jungah said, a bit wry. “But I knew who I was marrying. I read articles as they popped up on the news, and what happens to the company doesn’t just affect you. I might not know all the internal details, but I wanted to know enough so that if someone is talking to me, I don’t have to tell them to talk to you. And I can at least know something if you’re the one talking to me.”

“You mean you won’t be bored to tears if I want to talk about the company?” Minseok asked, leaning against the railing that led to their bungalow and Jungah snorted softly.

“You mean you’d ever want to talk about boring things?”

“That’s a good point,” Minseok murmured, and he cupped her face as he kissed her. “Amazing.”

Maybe hearing her talk about his company turned him on, or maybe the fact that she’d managed to not embarrass him, or maybe even impressed him a little? It made her want to fist pump and she was dancing inside, because yes, she wasn’t just a pretty face, not just a body for Minseok to join with and pass on his genes. She was his wife, and she wasn’t ever going to be perfect or know everything, but she had pride of her own, and no desire to have the spheres of their lives be completely separate. She wasn’t a “wife” like a trophy that he could put in his gorgeous condo and visit every so often. 

And his want of her, the way he kissed her had interest sparking, and she let him pull her in, pressing up against him, humming.

“Want to go in?” he asked.

Jungah did, and she let Minseok lead her back.

***

Jet lag was maybe the devil, but when Jungah woke to Minseok’s alarm, she thought she’d found another one. Minseok groaned and Jungah though maybe, maybe they should’ve had one extra day between the honeymoon and a normal schedule, but they had at least gotten to sleep at a normal time, as much as that had helped.

“I’m up, I’m up. You don’t have to get up,” Minseok murmured, patting in the direction of her hip as he leveraged himself out of bed and staggered naked toward the bathroom and the clothes he’d left there to wear. Jungah contemplated that for a moment, relaxing on her back as she considering just staying there as Minseok had offered. And, she realized she just didn’t really want to, not that first morning anyway.

Jungah belted her robe around her, using one hand to smooth down her hair as she almost took a wrong turn toward the kitchen. She could smell what was obviously hot, fresh coffee and it drew her like a magnet, knowing Minseok would be not far behind. She poured two cups out of the timed machine, a half of one for her, and a full one for Minseok. Just in time, too, as he padded into the kitchen with a groan.

“How do you take it?” Jungah teased, knowing that at least from the honeymoon.

“Right now, as much as possible,” Minseok said, lifting the mug and inhaling, and then drinking as deep as the hot liquid would let him. And then, and only then, did he pull Jungah in. It amused her a little. Coffee first, wife second. But his lips were warm from it, and his kiss definitely had a coffee tint to it.

“Thanks for sharing,” Jungah told him. “What are you eating this morning?”

Minseok hummed. “Cereal, I think. I know there’s some still around. Don’t worry, you don’t have to worry about feeding me in the mornings. If I don’t get something here, there’s usually something in the office.”

He was giving her an out. And it was nice, she guessed, to not be at the beck and call of his stomach.

“It might be nice to treat you every once in a while, though,” she said, and Minseok’s smile was immediate.

“I’d like that. And that means I can treat you, too,” he said, kissing her again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you get up.”

“It’s all right. We both have things to do today.”

He had a few cereals that she liked, too, so she listened to him be just a bit full of sighs about going back to work after almost a week away, and all the things he had on his to-do list that he was clearly already starting to work on in his head. He’d had a beach, and a wife to bed, so going back to sit at a desk would be quite a bit different.

But they stared at each other when Minseok was ready to go, not really sure. When he made a move as though to hug her, Jungah moved right into it, smoothing down his suit jacket and watching him fuss into his shoes.

“I’ll text you if I’m going to be late getting back,” Minseok said. “I’d say we could meet for lunch, but it’s going to be ridiculous because of my first day back. Another day, probably.”

“That’s fine,” Jungah said. And he might be glad for the time away from her, anyway.

The door closing behind Minseok and the last smile he’d sent her wasn’t so much final as it was disorienting. Though, in a way she guessed she was glad. They’d had half a day in the condo, though most of that had been resting or in bed, and it was a residence that didn’t feel like home, yet. It gave her a chance to dress, since she knew she had work to do. Maybe someone could’ve unpacked for her, but she wanted to discover how she wanted her things to be, not just to have them put how someone else thought they should be.

There was an empty dresser, a closet, waiting for her to unpack her boxes of things. There was a desk and office chair, both that she’d picked out when she’d gone shopping with Minseok’s mother. All of her clothes were washed and laundered, and most of them were new so even those felt a little unfamiliar. It gave her something to do, hanging, folding, arranging drawers. She had some jewelry sent previously that she was sure had gone already into the safe that she didn’t know the combination to, but others she set up in a pretty organizer by her dressing table. There was a tree for earrings that she set up. Clothes from their trip went into her labeled hamper, and her cosmetics were put away and organized. The bathroom was stocked with lotions, shampoo, conditioner, everything she’d listed as her favorite types. Minseok, or probably someone close to him, had stocked up to make sure his home was set up for the both of them.

There was a cleaning company, once a week most weeks or as needed, Minseok had mentioned. The condo had no doubt been cleaned while they were away. But Jungah didn’t feel like waiting, flattening boxes and getting over halfway done before doing some more exploring. There were doors she hadn’t been into. One ended up being a powder room, a little guest bathroom. Beside the office was a totally empty room, with neutral walls. There wasn’t a hint of furniture in it at all.

A nursery, Jungah realized, her skin prickling as she squeezed the door handle. She walked to the tall window and looked out at the buildings below them, the streets. She couldn’t hear anything, but with the window opened she could have. She pictured herself standing there, baby in arms, or sitting in a chair there, rocking and listening to the night sounds. It was set so that a child could not open the window and fall, as were all the windows in the condo that she’d seen. Being a mother, being part of a couple, that was something she’d grown up expecting. But it was something she had begun to want more, even with the uncertainty of a marriage arranged for her. They could decorate that space together, hear the first precious laughs. Minseok also would be someone she would know so much better.

Jungah left that room, so empty that it was yawning with possibility and expectations that she wasn’t ready to confront. Instead, she curled on the soft-clothed couch with yogurt, and acquainted herself with the overly large TV and the four remotes that were arranged on the table near it.

And then her mother called and wanted to meet, and it made Jungah fly to put on nicer clothes, to do her hair so she didn’t look like she’d given up on her first day back. She stared behind herself into the pretty, still impersonal condo, and let herself out. A couple of hours out with her mother, her sisters, gave her a chance to explore the shops and side streets around the building. Those would feel familiar eventually, too.

She got a text, while they were relaxing in the shade with drinks, and at her sister’s questioning look, Jungah smiled.

“It’s Minseok. He texted a restaurant he wants to know if I want to eat at tonight.”

They oohed and ahhed at her, and Jungah had to laugh and shake her head. It looked like a nice restaurant, so all she had to do was anticipate.

***

It wasn’t as though marriage was just an unending slumber party, but Jungah liked those times, a faint glow from outside, comfortable in the dark as they murmured about their day to come. Sometimes worries, sometimes happy little things that had happened that just came to mind as they talked. There were no distractions then, no phones, no food, just the sound of Minseok’s voice, of sleeping, and waking together, of occasional silences that seemed less awkward as days passed.

Minseok’s alarm sounded, but he smacked the snooze button and seemed infinitely unwilling to move himself out of their bed. He just wound himself around her and breathed against her neck for a moment before stretching, flopped as though dead and pouting.

“What are your plans for today?” Minseok asked, quiet, his words almost like a touch. Thinking of it almost had Jungah groaning, too.

“Your mother is going to show me everything she knows about planning a fete or dinner party, so I will be prepared to not shame you,” Jungah said.

“Oh no. I won’t see you for a week,” Minseok said, a hand to his heart. “I mean, some of it is probably interesting, but is planning every detail of a party really what you’re interested in?”

When she winced a little, he laughed.

“See, my mom loves it, and she’ll probably be glad to make you love it a little, too. But that’s the kind of person she is. She wants to plan everything down to how many strawberries will top the cake, and which way each hair on every guest’s head can rest. If she keeps you all day and you want to tear _your_ hair out, don’t worry. That’s why they made party planners.”

Jungah was just the tiniest bit surprised that Minseok was so cavalier about it. She’d expected him to think that whatever way his mother thought it was best was the way he’d want it to be.

“You wouldn’t mind that?”

“I’d rather have you be happy and enjoying the party than stressed out because you’d had to micromanage everything. Even my mom has someone running things in the background so she can socialize. Do whatever part of it suits you, or none of it. Getting it arranged with a planner is it’s own kind of job.”

He leaned in, a goodbye kiss in the way he was tensed, and he cupped one of her breasts as he kissed her, almost drawing a sound from her as the side of his thumb rubbed against her nipple. And the way he looked at her after, she thought he was tempted, too, but he groaned and pushed himself up out of bed. Half hard, she saw, before he’d wrapped himself in his robe.

“Just remind her if she gets going too late that I want my wife back before tonight,” he said.

The little throb between her legs as she covered herself and watched him walk away was proof that she agreed. More than that, maybe it wasn’t such a big deal to him, but she was still glowing a little because of him thinking of her feelings, what would make her happy if they were entertaining. It made her curl into the warmth he’d left behind, content to doze a while longer.

***

Jungah felt underprepared with the box she had brought with her. It was, per Minseok’s request, a box of pictures and little trinkets that she had kept close over her childhood, and Minseok hadn’t really told her why, though it was easy to imagine. Many newlyweds faced that first time after the wedding, of either getting to know each other better or learning how to live together, though they had all of that wrapped up into one, and a couple of weeks into their marriage, that was no different for them. But Minseok was there to greet her when her taxi pulled up, taking her hand and ignoring the scattered people as he led her into the park.

“I hope you weren’t waiting long,” Jungah said.

“Not very long. I picked up the food, and texted you I was ready when I was on the way, too. This spot looks good?”

It was shady, under a tree and without people too near, so Jungah couldn’t have complained. With the both of them working together, it was easy to spread out the thin almost-sheet, and to anchor it down with the box he’d been carrying and both of them sitting on it.

“I think we’ll be okay as long as the wind doesn’t come up too high,” Minseok said.

They’d be wearing the blanket, if that happened, though setting the food out between them meant the anchor of their bodies would keep the food from flipping over. The food was good, something from a nice restaurant that they’d been to for dinner before, not lunch. He was a little bit of a snob sometimes, but it mostly amused her. And he flicked at her hand when she’d remarked about the label on the box.

The dessert was some kind of chocolate cream, perfectly chilled it its own container, and with the breeze, it almost reminded her of being at the beach, carefree.

“So, here’s a question. What do you want to do?” Minseok asked, his plastic spoon dangling from his fingers. And he chuckled when Jungah raised her eyebrows at him. “I mean, I know our parents probably expect you to be a professional wife and mother, and my mom would probably make our lives hell with lectures if you said you wanted to work before there’s a baby on the way, but. I don’t know. Do you have a hobby? Do you want to volunteer? And it’s okay if you don’t know, it’s just… I don’t want being married to me to be some kind of prison, I guess. You’re not just “my wife.””

Jungah had opened her mouth several times during that, expecting to be able to get in a word while he kept babbling. And she didn’t even know what to say when he finally did stop, waving at her almost like he was embarrassed.

“I don’t know yet,” Jungah got out, her brain still trying to work. “I have my degree, but my mother obviously kept me back and kept me in her charities so that my “resume” would be good for being your wife. I hoped things would sort of naturally sort themselves out, once we got to know each other, once I knew what your expectations were and I could go on from there. Though, thank you. It’s nice to hear there are options, not just to know it.”

“You shouldn’t have to thank me for that. I guess I could could always take you in as my office assistant,” he teased, eyes twinkling as he let the innuendo stand.

“What would your current office assistant say?”

“He’s twice my age, so he’d probably enjoy some vacation time.”

“It’s probably more productive for you to keep him on, then,” Jungah said, smacking at his knee. No secret meetings in the office, and he read her thoughts, there.

“Probably. Though you should come by the office, sometimes. It’d be nice to see a face who doesn’t expect me to know the answer to everything.”

Jungah half laughed, though she envied him in a way, having that knowledge of where he belonged.

“Only where you want to go for dinner,” she said.

They were working out a system for that, by text. They traded, one of them choosing what type of cuisine they wanted, and the other choosing the restaurant. They were going off of ratings, trying to decide which ones they liked best. Jungah was pretty sure Minseok had some kind of a spreadsheet that he was using to file away their reactions and the type of service they got. It was kind of endearingly anal, like the way he kept his things in the bathroom.

“Did you bring the stuff I asked for?” Minseok asked.

“One box of childhood memories,” Jungah said. “You’re lucky, because I knew where this was. I just unpacked it not too long ago.”

Jungah watched, curious, as he got out his own box, wooden and etched. Her own was tin, a memento itself in many ways.

“I know a lot about you from things my parents have told me, from places we’ve been together since we’ve been married, and over the years, but… I thought it might be nice to share some other things?”

Not just sharing pieces of their childhood, but pieces of themselves, very telling in what they had kept close, what they cherished.

“That’s a really nice idea,” she said.

Minseok’s smile was so pleased, and they started unpacking their boxes, little by little.

There were concert tickets and movie stubs, and those were mostly explanatory though some unique stories went with some. They both had tickets from baseball games, different teams, but Minseok grinned, delighted. “We can go to a game together! Do you like soccer?”

Her insulted face told him everything he needed to know, fist-pumping.

“Am I going to have to put bumpers on the walls when there are games?”

Jungah didn’t believe the innocent face that Minseok gave her for a second. But there was a toy car his father had given him, one with obvious tooth dents in it, a necklace missing a clasp she had been given by her grandmother when she started middle school. Pictures of friends and places, polished rocks, coins from different countries. There was love in their boxes, in everything they had kept.

One of the last things Minseok had was a ring, one that was worn and clearly old.

“This was my grandfather’s. He worked, hard. He didn’t even have this until after his children were grown.” Minseok slid it onto his finger and it was obvious why he didn’t wear it, because it was very loose on him. “You can tell how hard he worked, just from looking at this ring. Sometimes, I just look at at, hold it. I want to do as much as he did, though I know because of him I won’t have to work as hard in the same ways. I don’t have to start from the very bottom. Our kids won’t have to either, but I don’t ever want to forget where it all started.”

Jungah touched the ring after he’d put it on his palm, tracing the gold and touching his skin at the same time.

“It’s almost cliche, but it’s important to remember. I remember meeting him once. I was just about to start middle school, and your parents had invited us over. We ate outside.”

“Oh,” Minseok said, remembering. “You’d just gotten a puppy, hadn’t you?”

“We did,” Jungah said, warmed by his recollection. “He was so scared by the fireworks. You…gave me your jacket when we were sitting outside.”

Minseok looked at her like he was admiring some kind of specimen. “How do you even remember that?”

“I was fairly sure we were going to get married, and maybe live in a castle at that point.”

“You had a crush on me?!” Minseok asked, so obviously delighted that it made Jungah squirm, even as he grabbed her hand and tried to pull her closer.

“For about five minutes,” Jungah allowed, nudging at him. So it was longer than that, but it was one thing to have an adolescent crush and another to be nudged along to get married. The reality of it all had been a long way off from those dreamy dreams and stealing glances at Minseok’s lips. Of course, she had firsthand knowledge of those. Things her tiny little self would never have even begun to dream of. Jungah leaned forward and stole a kiss - freely given - both to settle herself down inside and to keep him from teasing her any more.

There were things it was good to remember, as they leaned together and sorted through the last of the pictures. She wanted to add a few things more, a picture from their wedding, a little bottle of sand souvenir from their honeymoon. Even if she carried those memories inside of her, she wanted something there that she could touch. Even if the one thing that she had found wasn’t something that could be tucked away: how Minseok was making an effort to get to know her.

***

Sometimes Minseok made faces at his laptop when he was working in the evenings, those times he swore it would be 30 minutes but sometimes ran long. Sometimes he squinted at the screen, eyes narrowed in what looked like frustration, sometimes in inspiration, preceding a flurry of typing. Jungah read sometimes while he worked, glancing up at the amusing show that was his face, and he caught her sometimes, blinking like he wasn’t sure why she’d find him in the least bit interesting.

“What?”

“I can’t tell if you’re cursing someone out, or are they just going to come in tomorrow and have to work with you on their heels.”

Minseok laughed, taking a brief coffee break to tell her about a set of proposals he was trying to get ushered out the door. They had a team, but he was doing some last minute quality checking, and that team was probably going to end up working the night through to get everything out the door.

“They do a good job,” Minseok sighed. “I should remind them they’re doing a good job.”

And then she lost him again to the laptop, laughing a little into her tea.

But that wasn’t every night, most of them being time for Minseok to unwind, to watch sports, or tug her close for watching TV on the couch. Jungah paid attention when they went out to eat, not just taking delight in trying different dishes, but watching which ones that Minseok took the most interest in, how he reacted to the bites offered from her own plate. It was easy to build a bit of a mental list of things he liked best. It wasn’t like they never cooked at home. Sometimes Jungah picked up things, or she put in orders with the service they had. Groceries showed up at her door nicely wrapped and perfectly fresh, and all that was left was to put them away or prepare it. Minseok made dinner one night, a simple stir fry with eggs and rice and fish. He’d been halfway done when Jungah had gotten home from another meeting with his mother, and she wandered to the kitchen, watching him like a specimen in a jar.

“This is my lazy night dinner than I learned to make when I was too lazy to order in - too lazy to make a call! - and when I wanted more than cereal,” Minseok said.

It had had her laughing, leaning in as he offered her a bite. And it was good, filling, comforting. She’d made simple things, too, when they were too tired to go out or just wanted to stay home. Minseok had even lent a hand a couple of times, when he hadn’t been chained to his phone. They’d eaten delivery food the night her period had started. It had been a little deflating but at that point, not entirely unexpected. It was something she refused to worry over, when it was something they knew could take time. It had been an enjoyable couple of hours tucked against Minseok’s side as they watched a movie, feeling him laugh, and biting her tongue when she had been tempted to ask if he was disappointed, when she had mixed feelings herself. She should’ve been able to ask if he liked that they’d have just a bit more time, just the two of them, with the enthusiasm of trying for the baby that both of them wanted.

Something to work toward.

Like learning Minseok’s favorite foods, and then learning how to make them. Jungah knew what time Minseok was going to be home, and his assurance that he would actually come home and not work late. Even if it tipped him off that something was happening, she didn’t care, because at least she wouldn’t be cooking for nothing. Jungah had done all the preparation she could the morning of, picking out the freshest vegetables in the afternoon, arranging her recipes in order of time. The dessert, a cheesecake, was finished first and cooling, a sauce for pasta simmering, a steak heating through in the oven. She had little side dishes, spicy pickled vegetables to cut through the fat, and a wine he had had particular liking for in one of the restaurants. It was perfect. She was wiped out, and she had to keep blotting her face down after she changed into nicer clothes 30 minutes before she expected him, but everything was at least going in the right direction.

It didn’t keep her from tensing a little when she heard him come in.

“Wow, something smells good in here,” Minseok said, and his face was a bit dazzled as he inhaled on the way to the kitchen.

“Does it?” Jungah asked, resisting the urge to smooth down her hair. And she laughed as he got up close to her and inhaled into her shoulder.

“You smell good, too. But really, wow.”

“I thought it’d be nice to have something a little nicer, something we didn’t have to go out for,” Jungah said. He peeked into all the pots, bending to look at the resting cake, and under the cover where the side dishes had been set.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Minseok asked, as though amazed.

It made Jungah smack at him with a towel, starting to turn off burners. “Did you have to do something to deserve food?”

“No, but… Are we celebrating something?”

Minseok was eyeing her and Jungah shook her head. No surprise baby. “No, no celebrating. Celebrating the food, maybe. I like doing this every once in a while.”

“I’m not going to complain. And I see a lot of my favorites here?”

Jungah grinned, poking a bit of lettuce between his lips. “I’ve paid attention.”

It wasn’t just to show him that she’d paid attention either. It had grated on her a bit at first, just how much that she wanted his approval, but it also made her calm in a weird way. They were more than just roommates who slept together. Jungah didn't need his approval but she wanted it. She wanted him to be pleased with her in the same way that she wanted to please him in bed. It was a matter of pride, but there was more to it than that too. And she had a bonus of getting to watch Minseok enjoy it, to tell him about how she liked reading recipes, had learned to cook mostly from her grandmother and one of her aunts. He liked the wine, listening attentively, asking questions, talking about cooking with his own family. It was more sharing, a natural kind of it. The dishes were left for another time.

“You know,” Minseok said, stroking down her arm as they made their way into the bedroom. “We had that discussion the other day about you being able to do whatever you want, and I’m just glad you know you can do stuff like this without me expecting it all the time.”

“That's true,” Jungah said slowly. She’d never been sure exactly what he’d wanted from her, as his wife. Maybe it had influenced her more than she had realized. “Though I didn't do it just because of that.

He grinned at her. “That makes me even happier than the food did.”

There were things they could give each other, back and forth, that required no reciprocity, given just for the sake of it. She was sharing her enjoyment of making a good meal, and enjoying his appreciation of it. If she’d screwed something up, maybe they’d have laughed together and he’d have praised her effort, and they’d have eaten something else. Not everything was going to be perfect. No amount of money could guarantee that.

What they made of the ups, the downs, that was what made a difference.

“Thank you for thinking of me,” he murmured, hugging her from behind, and kissing her shoulder. “Really, it was was wonderful.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Jungah said, and she nearly whimpered as Minseok nuzzled against her neck. Apparently she’d satiated his stomach, but not his body. Or maybe she’d inspired it. Either way, she turned in his arms, and his lips were soft as she kissed him. And she kept kissing him as he guided her down to the plush rug beside their closet.

“This is something else I like,” Minseok said, waggling his eyebrows as she laughed, sprawled out under him. But that laugh faded into something else as Minseok kissed her.

 

***

There was very light rug burn, not much of one, and Minseok had been incredibly apologetic about it until he saw just how amused that Jungah had been. It was a new life experience she could chalk up, one that Minseok had tried to soothe with kisses, and when that failed, with a cream that had been one of her wedding gifts. The pain had faded but she certainly did think about him every time she crossed that rug to get clothes. All the more amusing, for how relatively close the bed was. She absently ran her finger over the back of her wedding ring. Variety was important, for a lifetime.

But they both had their differences, too. In retrospect, Jungah thought having her closet separate from Minseok’s had been a good thing. Her closet was not as pristine as Minseok’s, and she wondered if he saw hers and despaired. It wasn’t as though she kept it cluttered, or had clothes draped everywhere, but she wondered if that maybe kept some of the peace between them. He kept things just so, and wasn’t ashamed to come along behind her and put the TV remote exactly where he wanted it, or rearrange the fridge. He hadn’t scolded her about it, yet. She might’ve been worried, early on, if he’d start to dislike her for it. But there were things they would need to compromise on, and it seemed both of them were doing their best. And when Minseok came into the room, Jungah smiled, standing to meet him.

Jungah shivered, but not from cold, from the the skim of Minseok’s fingers down her sides. He had that look, when he came out of the bathroom, the one that told her he was imagining her naked and that he wouldn’t mind if she got that way. Her eyebrows rose, and by the time he’d gotten to her, taken the bunched edge of the silk that she lifted and offered to him, she was beginning to throb. She knew what that look meant. Her eyes dipped down his body as he tugged her nightdress over her head, leaning in to kiss her. Promises. Minseok didn’t have to sleep early, finally done after what had seemed like a grueling week at work, and they’d spent the last two hours nestled together and watching a movie before she’d gone off to shower. And there he was, making her laugh as he pulled her on top of him on the bed, groping her in big handfuls before rolling on top of her.

It had her purring, the way he said her name as he kissed her, but he had one of her legs trapped between his so she couldn’t wrap her legs around him and pull him in. Minseok stroked along her thigh and Jungah moaned against his mouth. He kissed against her throat, his lips trailing against her collarbones, nuzzling along her body until he wrapped his lips around her nipple. It made her squirm, and it made her ache, and she squeezed against his shoulders as he teased her with his mouth, and two of his fingers pressed into her. It was Minseok who moaned then, like the warmth of her around his fingers was a stimulation to him, and he kissed against her breasts, sucking on her nipples, reveling in her body. But it was still a tease.

“You’re going to kill me,” Jungah whimpered, and Minseok chuckled, taking a long slow slide with his fingers and watching her hiss.

“Do you know how gorgeous you are, squirming on the bed and needing?”

“Being teased,” Jungah told him, and then, finally then, Minseok moved so that she could press both of her legs apart.

“You want me,” Minseok again teased, like he couldn’t tell, his fingers sliding into her slick and easy. “Jungah.”

She kissed him back, stroking at his neck, his lips warm, his mouth insistent. But even that he didn’t satisfy her with, dropping kisses down her chest, against her tightening belly. And the fingers he had inside of her stilled as he kissed against her knees, swapping back and forth between her legs and working his way along them. Jungah shivered at the scrape of his teeth against her thigh, and the kiss that soothed after that. Her legs were only pressed wider and she was glad of the half light as he kissed further and further up her thigh. She was so wet, even as tense as she was, she didn’t know how she was going to survive him touching her more.

And she struggled against self-consciousness, wanting what she was sure he was leading to, wanting to know, and half wanting to push his head away and tell him that he didn’t have to. But he was the one who started it. He was the one who was breathing harshly against the inside of her thigh.

Minseok did not lift his head, not much, and his voice was rough as he spoke. “You remember that dress with the short little skirt you wore to the pre-engagement party? I just wanted to steal you away and lift that skirt and make you feel good.”

Jungah almost cursed aloud as she processed that, but she whimpered instead. He’d wanted her. He’d wanted to— Her hips lifted as he kissed against her, and his tongue slid along her from his fingers, trailing up until she was gasping, her hands stiff against the sheets. He made a sound like he liked what he had found. It was hard to think of anything but the rub of his lips against her, the gentle slide of his fingers - and when he replaced his fingers with his tongue. Jungah moaned, the ache unbearable, desperate for him to touch her, to not tease her more. And his fingers slid back into her, with a swirl of his tongue, and Jungah’s head snapped to the side, her thighs trembling as he sucked and nuzzled and licked. She was sweating, gasping in a short, desperate breath just before she came against Minseok’s tongue. The whole bed was shaking and she barely heard her own moans as she rode through the pleasure Minseok gave her. But even as he soothed her, there was still an ache, an emptiness.

“Please,” she begged, reaching for him. “Please. Minseok.”

He reached for her hand, gripping it as he crawled up over her, and she guided him against her, moaning against his throat and squeezing his fingers as he slid into her.

“Yes,” Minseok said, like he was amazed, turned on. And he kissed all over her cheeks, her neck, as their hips worked together and Jungah gripped his back and moaned. Minseok rocked against her faster and Jungah keened, squeezing hard around him as she came again and felt Minseok lose his rhythm. She had only moments to wait for his moans, pressed into her as he came for her as she still fluttered around him. She was so revved up, she half wanted him to keep going, but she also wanted to sink into a blob of semi-consciousness and revel.

“Wow,” Minseok murmured after a moment. Jungah nodded against him, pressing her head against his. She was wringing wet and wanted another shower. But she wasn’t moving, not until Minseok was ready, too, and Minseok seemed in no great rush as he become one with the mattress and tugged her with him.

“Are you getting up?” she asked after a moment, nudging him.

He shook his head. But as she rubbed her fingertip against his stomach, his nose started to scrunch up, and Jungah was gasping with laughter, leaning on him.

“Do you think we should dress up like strawberries tomorrow?” she whispered, trying to see how alert he was.

“Uh-huh,” Minseok answered, and it was all Jungah could do not to roll around and giggle helplessly. She just snuggled him until he almost snorted his way out of sleep and scared her half to death. Payback, she guessed. But he made it up to her by letting her lean on him in the shower.

***

Minseok had a way of surprising her sometimes. Jungah walked past the desk he kept at home, and there on it was a frame with two pictures showing in the oval windows of it. One was a picture that had been shown at their wedding, the one of her grinning at about three-years-old, and Minseok not so much older but stalwart beside her. Their first meeting. The other picture was at their wedding itself, a moment pressed together as they showed off the cake that was just out of the picture. How much they’d changed between those two images, two decades of greeting each other, of learning what they were going to be meant for. They would still be figuring that out for years, still. She wondered if he’d been given it that way, or if he’d chosen the pictures himself. It was still there, in a place he’d see it often. It was almost like a little note that he was thinking of her, and that put a smile on her face.

It was sometimes one she needed, as she continually learned that marriage seemed seemed to be full of waiting. Minseok had been made of promises when he’d been getting ready for work that morning, teasing her with kisses that he’d be back and steal her into bed before some kind of charity gala the size of which made her head spin. But he texted he’d be late, and it let her start her bathing process earlier, drying her hair, smoothing on lotion, blending cream into her face to enhance her skin.

She was in her slip, the evening gown hanging on a hook in the closet when Minseok came rushing in.

“I’m late,” he said, throwing off his tie and wheeling into the bathroom. He emerged a moment later with a wet face and wet hands that he was drying off, slowing as he made his way back toward her. “Traffic was horrendous. I could have gotten a pogo stick and gotten home faster. And don’t get me started on work. I’ll have to tell you on the way o…ver. Oh. Hi.”

He stared at her in the black silk and whatever he could see of the cloth under it, and stared just a moment too long.

“I wish I wasn’t late,” Minseok said. “Didn’t I promise to take you to bed before the party?”

Jungah shook her head. “It’s all right. There’s always after.”

“No man should make you wait,” Minseok told her, and his skin still felt cool when he tugged her close and kissed her. 

“You have to shower,” she reminded him, and he made some sound like he was agreeing with her, making her roll her eyes as he groped down her body. He stopped on her hips, wandering up and down and pulling back to eye her.

“You are a constant surprise. Were you not going to wear any underwear, or were you waiting for me?”

Jungah nudged her chin toward the bed where her underwear and stockings were waiting. “You caught me before I could put them on.”

“All the better for me, then.”

That was a wicked little chuckle, and no protests about them having a schedule went heard.

“Just worry about you,” Minseok told her. It was hard to think of anything else, the way he got her set up against the wall as he stroked up inside of her thigh and slid his fingers into her. It had her humming, gripping at his shoulders, and moving her hips with his hand. “Oh yeah. You feel so good. I wish I had time to just—“

Jungah could tell what he wished he could do, the way he stroked into her, ground his hand against her for maximum pleasure. He was probably going to be thinking about it the whole night, of getting her home, out of her dress. Or thinking how he’d gotten her off, that the flush in her cheeks wasn’t just makeup.

She knew what would be waiting for her when they got home, too.

“Minseok,” she gasped, squeezing around his fingers. He fondled her breast through the slick cloth, making her nipple stand hard and tight, working his fingers into her, rubbing his lips against her neck.

Jungah came like that, against the wall, leaning forward so she didn’t destroy her hair, moaning as he stroked her though it. She shuddered a little, opening her eyes to find her vision a little fuzzy and exhaling as Minseok pulled his fingers out of her. He pulled back and looked at her as she stood on shaking legs, a lazy trail from her painted toenails to her eyes.

“I wouldn’t have missed that for the world,” Minseok said, and grinned. Then he looked at his watch. “Showering!”

He kissed her one more time, fleeing into the bathroom. She gave herself another moment to compose herself, relishing the lingering throb and how unexpected it had all been. But while he showered, she took a moment to wash up a little, sliding back into her slip, into the figure-hugging little panties and the sheer silk that slid against the smooth skin of her legs. She was in her dress, waiting as he came out, just a few buttons left of his shirt and his tie and jacket to be put on. Jungah shivered a little as he zipped up the back of her dress, brushing his lips against her shoulder.

“No one is going to realize I’m there,” Minseok said, looking over the black, gauzy fabric that clung to her.

“I’ll make sure to introduce you,” Jungah teased, and his grin made her laugh when he tugged her toward the entry so they could leave, just a few minutes behind schedule.

***

Jungah opted for sparkling juice instead of champagne. She wasn’t pregnant yet, not that she knew anyway, but it was an easy switch at an event that she really didn’t want the tipsy feelings that champagne tended to give her anyway. There’d been little meetings, and dinner parties, but a full on party with men in tuxedos and women in expensive dresses was both more and less intimidating. So much mingling. So many more strangers. It had take two days of intermittent shopping with her sisters to get the dress she was wearing, and it had cost a bit more than she’d been wanting to spend on a dress of limited function and re-use. But when she’d confessed the cost to Minseok, who had given an absent “that’s good” as a response to her finding a dress, he’d blinked at her like he ate money out of his cereal bowl in the mornings. His only concern was that she put it on their shared account, and to leave the receipt for accounting purposes.

Though the way Minseok had looked at her in it had made it seem a little more worth it. Minseok introduced her to people, some she’d heard of and some she hadn’t. There were CEOs and politicians, even a few semi-well known actors. Some people they were introduced to in turn, Minseok networking, smoothly settling into conversations and stroking along her back when he wasn’t reaching to shake someone’s hand or using it to talk with.

They had just moved away from another group when Jungah’s arm was taken. Minseok’s mother.

“I’m stealing Jungah for a bit,” she told her son, shooing him off like he was five. Jungah just smiled at him as she was led away, grazing for a moment at the table of refreshments before sitting down at a table nearby. She hadn’t even realized her legs had been aching from the heels, not until she sat down.

“How has the party been?”

“I knew Minseok knew a lot of people, but it’s been really fascinating meeting them all. I know some of the names already but I hope I’ll remember for next time.”

“They might not remember yours. Unless they’re trying to ingratiate themselves with Minseok, perhaps. That is the way it is, sometimes. You look well, though. No news of you expecting?”

The strawberry was a bit more sour than she expecting, and Jungah sipped water to wash it down.

“Not yet,” Jungah said, her tone light. “Minseok and I both know that you’ll be the first person we call.”

That seemed to please her mother-in-law well. “It can take time. I never thought I would be so eager to be a grandmother. Are you happy with my son?”

Jungah blinked. The state of the pregnancy watch, that she’d been expecting. Inquiries to her happiness, not so much. “I’m sorry?”

“Is he treating you well? Are you happy in the marriage?”

Jungah pictured Minseok’s half asleep face smooshing up to give her a kiss and nearly laughed. She glanced to out at the crowd, finding the set of his shoulders, the sharp line of his hair against the back of his neck with ease.

“Yes, he’s treating me well. I’m happy.”

He’d never shouted at her or hit her, which was admittedly a low bar. He didn’t ignore her or belittle her. He seemed to want to make sure she knew she could have a future beyond washing his underwear and having his babies. Her perception of the nice older boy that she’d thought was cute had changed. Her realistic expectations had been a bit overshot, in the best of ways.

But Jungah was nodded at, leaned into and she focused on the quiet words.

“That’s good. Since he’s been thinking of his duty and doing his best to give you a child, you’ll need to be attentive to his needs until he knows he’s succeeded in that. I know you’re a good girl, so you’ll be able to be at his side until he has sons to bring up. My husband’s mother took me aside to tell me this as well, after I was pregnant with Minseok. If that happiness fades, you have to endure until after the children are born, and then, if you’re discreet, you can find your happiness elsewhere. If he has an affair while you are pregnant, it’s usually nothing to worry about. Men will be like that sometimes.”

The sudden chill down Jungah’s back had nothing to do with the icy water. “You think your son would—“

Jungah swallowed hard to keep the rest of the startled words from escaping. She’d been set to be embarrassed, speaking of her taking up with other men after she’d gotten Minseok his heirs, but that was something else entirely.

“I’d like to think he wouldn’t, that he is fond enough of you to not be tempted, but I’ve seen it time and again in my circle of friends. Men of some status believe that it is their right in some cases. We are their wives, and we bear their children, and we have nice homes and status, and some things are endured because of that. I don’t want you to build some sort of fairy tale in your head that will destroy you if he takes a mistress.”

Minseok being charming to women at parties. Minseok and the knowing way he had pleased her. Jungah had never been under the impression that Minseok had been celibate before he had married her.

“It may never be a thing you need to worry about. I hope I raised him to be better. Tell me, Minseok said you had cooked him a special dinner?”

The shift to small talk was not so much awkward as welcome, because Jungah’s brain refused to come up with a response that sounded intelligent. Saying she hoped so too, or perhaps maybe she could’ve been told that before they were married, none of that mattered. It was all speculation and reference to the lives of other people, not some foretelling of the future. She’d just been given carte blanche to have an affair if she was unhappy later on, and that did not sit so uncomfortably as did the thought of Minseok deciding she wasn’t enough.

But when her mother-in-law got stolen away, the thought of going to stand beside Minseok before she’d had a chance to process had her hesitating. She wondered how good of an actress she’d been, to have gotten through the rest of the conversation. Probably, she’d been fooling neither of them. Jungah stole toward the bathrooms, and as she skirted past chatting people, she found her salvation in a trim, gold dress.

They blinked at each other.

“Jungah!”

“Junhwa!” Her mood lifted instantly seeing a friendly face, a friend she’d had since inhabiting the corner of one very dull party her last year of high school. Junhwa had saved her then, too, pulling her into her little group of two.

“I haven’t seen you since the wedding! We just got back from America a couple of days ago and I’ve been slowly adjusting. Marriage seems to suit you!” And before Jungah could even respond, Junhwa gasped. “Oh, I’m sorry. Jungah, have you met Sejung? Sejung, this is Jungah. Kim Minseok, the Obelus Group’s heir is her husband. Wasn’t their wedding gorgeous?”

Jungah laughed despite herself, having met Sejung before. As they talked, it niggled at her to go find Minseok, but she knew he would look for her if he needed her, or text her phone. It was nice to talk about Junhwa’s trip, and Sejung’s intrigues working for her parents’ company.

“How is married life?” Junhwa asked.

“Like life, mostly,” Jungah said. “We’re still finding our routines.”

“It’s an adjustment to merge two schedules together,” Sejung said, wincing like she knew that all too well.

And Jungah paused, breathing in for a moment before deciding that it wasn’t something she wanted to keep inside.

“Is it out of style again to have feelings for your husband?” The incredulous look she got had her laughing. “No, I know how ridiculous that sounds. The way people talk to me sometimes, it’s like they expect him to knock me up and that our lives and bedroom activities will separate until it’s time to knock me up again. That wasn’t my idea of a marriage.”

“I don’t think that’s most people’s idea of a marriage,” Sejung said, shaking her head. “It’s like some kind of weird royalty or aristocracy complex. I mean, they’re rich, but that’s just weird.”

“I thought so, too.” And it felt good that it wasn’t just her.

“I guess Prince Minseok has a ring to it. So does Princess Jungah. But wait, Minseok isn’t the one who said he was going to fool around, is he?”

“No. It was someone else. It’s almost like, oh, I’m not pregnant yet, so I’ll have his attention a while longer.”

“Maybe they’re jealous that he’s actually attentive to you,” Junhwa sniffed. “Have you asked him if that’s something he thinks is okay?”

Jungah flattened her mouth for a moment. “Is there a polite way to ask someone if they plan to have a dozen mistresses? The weird thing was it felt like it was almost a warning, so that I wouldn’t get hurt. Or maybe that I wouldn’t start drama for our families, I don’t know.”

“Be grateful for that nice apartment, Jungah. That’s all that matters. That and the bang bang.”

It was said with waggly eyebrows and Jungah leaned, laughing until she could hardly breathe.

“Maybe he has a bevy of women in his pocket. Who knows.”

“This is going to sound like weird self-help advice but, just work for the relationship you want, I guess?” Junhwa mused. “Don’t worry about the pessimists or how they think things will be. Just because it happened to someone doesn’t mean it’s your future.”

It was good advice. And it felt good to have a friend who could see under all of it, to tell her what she needed to hear. Their marriage had a lot of outside influences, but what it came down to was her and Minseok. They were what really mattered. Jungah made plans with Junhwa and Sejung both to get together, outside of the stuffy atmosphere, and Jungah still did visit the bathroom, but instead of lingering away, she found Minseok immediately, and the smile she gave him wasn’t so forced as she’d worried it might be, and he welcomed her to his side with a smile, introducing her warmly to the people she hadn’t yet met in the group. Jungah just had to work for what she wanted, even if she was still discovering all the different things that entailed.

***

If the weekend was nice, even if Minseok was still tied to his phone and laptop, the first morning back to work was always the worst. For Jungah, because the raucous alarm spelled days ahead of penciling things into her calendar, finding what she wanted to fill her time with so that her entire existence wasn’t centered around waiting for Minseok to get home. But if it was hard for her, she was still the first one up, smacking at the alarm and poking Minseok until he actually sat up. He was usually right out of bed, but not that morning. They might have stayed up just a little bit too late with the gala the night before.

“Do I have to get up?” he mumbled, swaying on the edge of the bed.

“Well, no. But your father might be knocking on our door within the hour. Or someone sent by him,” Jungah said, smoothing down his flyaways. “Do you want some coffee?”

The sound he made was like a dying man, and Jungah went out to the coffeemaker, already pre-programmed and the pot partly full. She paused it, pouring out a cup and bringing it back to him unadulterated. And he was at least awake enough not to burn himself, as he took it, inhaled, moaned again and took a sip. He used her stomach as a pillow between swallows, leaning forward against her and breathing deep almost like he was trying to fall asleep again before muttering and drinking again, and then finally sitting upright.

“You were asleep before I was,” Jungah said. “What happened between then and now?”

“I got to thinking about a project and couldn’t turn my brain off,” Minseok said, and grimaced at her pitying look. “I know. I used to just get up and work on it but I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“I’d have gone back to sleep. You must’ve been lying there like a mummy, because if you were awake for that long, I didn’t realize it.”

“One of us should get enough sleep.” And Minseok groaned, standing up and pressing a couple of light kisses against her lips. “Okay. Food. Clothes.”

“You’ll be okay to drive?” Jungah wondered, following him and snagging his robe with her on the way. Not that she minded seeing him run around naked, but normally he wore it so he could be a little more carefree.

He stared at it when she held it up, bemused, and let go of his precious coffee cup long enough to shrug into it.

“Soon as this coffee kicks in,” Minseok said. “I think.”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t have let you leave the house naked,” Jungah assured him.

She pointedly ignored his “why not?” look, knowing then he was waking up if he was ready to joke with her about clothes or lack thereof. The world wasn’t ready for naked Minseok strolling along as he pleased.

“Get some more sleep for me,” Minseok told her, patting her butt and kissing her after he’d finally dressed and was ready to go. She hummed her agreement, and when the door closed behind him, she considered her options. Stay up, or curl up in the dark of their room a little longer.

She opted for that. There were times when Minseok dreamed, or cleared his throat in his sleep, or rolled over in a particularly ungainly fashion. It made her jerk right out of sleep almost every time, sometimes laughing a little, sometimes making sure he was okay. But she also fell back to sleep most times easily, too, the sound of his even breaths lulling her. When she heard odd sounds in the night, when she just wanted to know someone was close, she was glad he was there. The thought of sleeping alone had become the odd thing, and it was strange, but as she breathed in the scent of their home, their bed, she was happy, too.

***

Her period being a week late had been one thing. Her little countdown app kept going past, day, by day. Until it wasn’t just a week later than expected, but ten days, twelve, thirteen. That was harder to rationalize away, and even so, Jungah didn’t know if she felt pregnant, or if she felt like she was expecting her period. She’d been late before. She went back and forth a dozen times. Maybe wait a few more days, maybe talk to someone who knew more, though that either meant a friend, or the doctor, and doctor visits to her had a feeling of fear to them as well.

She’d spent an hour that morning investigating on her computer, researching pregnancy test brands, different options. There could be user error in that. She wondered if Minseok would have wanted to try, watching to see any changes. But in her phone, she still had the contact information of the OB-GYN that her mother-in-law had sent her to. That had been an experience all its own, in a pre-wedding family outing, a little over a month before the wedding, with her future mother-in-law, sister-in-law, two of her own sisters and her mother all seated around a table in a restaurant Jungah had never heard of.

“I made a pre-natal appointment for you with one of the best OB-GYN’s in the city,” Minseok’s mom said. “It’s good to be prepared in case you get pregnant on your honeymoon.”

“Mom!” Minseok’s sister had laughed, and there was a little bit of laughter and chortling from Jungah’s sisters, and all the while Jungah’s face had flamed.

If only she’d known then what she’d come to know later. Of course, it wasn’t as though having sex was going to be some kind of secret to their family, but she’d only kissed Minseok once and the few times they’d been together after that had been highly chaperoned, even when all Minseok was doing was talking to her. It had been when she was almost suspicious enough to think that they were trying to leave enough mystery to it that she wouldn’t try to back out of the wedding if she discovered some flaw in Minseok’s character.

But it was the same doctor Jungah contacted, for continuity, but also for the calm of the office when she’d gone, and the fact that she’d liked the doctor herself. Though even with a guarantee of privacy, she half wondered if calling the office would somehow trickle down to the family. But it took a three minute conversation, the mention of her mother-in-law, and the doctor was expecting her in an hour. It had her flying to shower, to dress, and it didn’t even give her time to think until she was in the taxi. It felt a bit like she was being whisked away on some bizarre trip of adulthood. Maybe she should’ve taken someone, her mother, her sister. But she wasn’t for certain. It was mostly just to check. If she was wrong, if she was just late, then at least no one’s hopes were lifted only to be dashed again. But she did text Minseok, telling him only that she was going to the doctor for a checkup, because that was all she knew it was.

Minseok texted back a few minutes later to let him know how it went, and to be safe. She wondered if he really thought about why she’d even be going to the doctor, but it didn’t matter. She just wanted to know, and Jungah fidgeted as she waited, until she blew out a breath, and stood to go in to see the doctor.

***

Jungah had been to Minseok’s office three times. Once for her first official tour as a new bride, once when he was running late and he’d texted her to wait in his office for him until he was done with his meeting, and the last time to bring him his forgotten cell phone. Jungah was grateful for each one of those times, if only for the fact that it meant that after she was escorted up the elevator by the front desk staff, Minseok’s assistant recognized her immediately. She couldn’t even have imagined having to explain who she was, asking if it was possible to get a moment of her husband’s time. She hadn’t wanted to text him that she was coming over, wanting some bit of surprise to it.

“I’ll check to see if he’s free,” she was told, and not 30 seconds later, Minseok opened his office door, beckoning her in.

“Hold my calls, unless it’s something urgent,” Minseok said, and closed them both into his office. “We didn’t have plans, did we? You were going to the doctor? Is everything okay?”

The office was bright, she’d remember that, the air strong with the scent of coffee and a hint of Minseok’s cologne. She wasn’t nervous so much as desperate, fumbling to get out the words before they just exploded out of her.

“No, no plans. I did go. I just…” The look of anticipation on Minseok’s face was so immense that Jungah was glad she wouldn’t have to deflate it. Jungah slipped the little ultrasound image from her purse, putting it into Minseok’s hands. “I’m pregnant!”

Jungah laughed as Minseok’s hands shot up into the air as though his team had scored a goal, and laughed harder when Minseok pulled her close and did a little jig as he rocked her back and forth.

“I didn’t even think about that until 30 minutes after you texted me! And then I couldn’t stop thinking about it but I didn’t want to text you and spoil any surprise.”

“I didn’t really know for sure. Just, timing and—“ Jungah dragged in a breath, shaking her head. “I couldn’t just wait until you got home.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Minseok said, and lifted his arm, clearly looking at the image again behind her back. “Our little blob baby.”

He actually glanced at her to see if she took offense to the labeling of their embryo. It was a blob, how could she argue with that.

“We did it,” Jungah sighed.

“Lots of times,” Minseok said, waggling his eyebrows.

It almost made her snort. “That doesn’t have to stop. I made sure of that with the doctor.”

He maybe groaned a little as he kissed her, pressing kisses against her cheek and making her shiver with the skyline of Seoul spread out behind him. She didn’t want to interrupt the moment, but there was another thing she had to consider.

“If anything bad happens, it’s usually toward the start. I’m right about 7 weeks, a little past halfway in the first trimester. It might be safer to wait, but if we don’t tell your mom today, I feel like she’s not going to forgive us.”

Minseok really did groan then, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “You’re right. She would hold that over our heads forever. And I’m not even going to think about making you tell her on your own. After work? I’ll have to text her to be sure they’ll be home. I think she’ll be swifter to wonder than I was.”

It made her grin back at him, and Minseok kissed her again, rocking them both, and she hugged him so tight for a moment that her arms nearly hurt, and he didn’t complain.

“Maybe you shouldn’t call the baby a blob to your mom,” Jungah murmured, and Minseok barked out a laugh as he imagined that. “But I think it’s cute.”

“That’s because you get me,“ Minseok told her.

He couldn’t see her, but he could feel how her arms tightened, just a little.

The sound of the phone beginning to beep, a clear sign something urgent was coming in, had Minseok sighing and letting her go a tiny bit. They walked in tandem step to the desk so Minseok could push a button and hear what it was.

“Give me another minute,” Minseok said, and put the line back on hold. “Can you just sit in my lap while I work?”

“I wish I could.”

She didn’t want to leave either, but Minseok leaned in when she touched his cheek, kissing her again.

“I’ll text my mom in a minute, and then let you know if we’re on for tonight. If that’s good, then I’ll text you when I get home, and pick you up.”

“Sounds good,” Jungah said.

“Can I…?”

Minseok was still holding the picture of the…the blob.

“You can keep it,” Jungah said. “I have a few more. We’ll take one to your mom, too.”

They traded a look, knowing the landslide of advice that would be coming their way. But Jungah slipped out while Minseok picked up his call, waving, looking back one last time to see the way he looked so comfortable in his chair, speaking with confidence to whoever was on the other end of the line.

“We’ll have to get you a key card so you can come up when you need,” Minseok’s assistant told her when she stopped by to at least say hello and ask how his day was going. Maybe he suspected, too, but he was too polite to say, wishing her a good day and calling up the elevator for her.

Reality hadn’t sunk in yet. Jungah spent half the afternoon napping, half of it on the phone with her mother who was out of the country. Minseok’s mother would be the first person they’d tell in person, but no one could have stopped her from calling her mom. That made it feel more real. With Minseok, they were still so wide-eyed and amazed by it. Jungah felt steadier, as she dressed to go to let her in-laws know that they’d chosen well, that their new daughter would give them the grandchild they were wanting.

Jungah touched the little magnetic frame that held the image of her little blob baby, already hanging on the fridge door. It made her smile before she made her way out the door, to meet Minseok.

***

It was hard to tell which side of the family was happier for news of the baby, though Jungah thought Minseok’s family won on sheer force of will alone. Granted, Jungah’s mother had already experienced having a grandbaby, so she was happy, beyond happy that Jungah was having a child but the newness was gone. She was going to have to tease her mom if the thrill had gone with each successive child, too. But it had been cause for a big family dinner for all of their family, in a private room in a restaurant. Even if everyone had learned early, the actual celebration had happened almost a month later, when Jungah had begun to relax out of the vague worry of something going wrong. Her doctor had assured her that all was well, and that made a lot of difference.

They’d all toasted her, and Jungah had cast her eyes to the ceiling. And lo, the families had joined in some amazing collision of DNA. The merger was complete.

Obviously having a child hadn’t been their only expectation of her. Though if she was ranking things, she knew it was far near the top.

“I’m glad they let us get out of that with just a family dinner,” Minseok said, groaning and tossing away his tie. He held out an arm and Jungah walked into the hug, leaning into him and exhaling, glad to be out of the scrutiny and suggestions and celebration and into the relaxation of their own home.

“They won’t call for a parade for a couple more months, I hope,” Jungah said, and Minseok laughed.

“Yeah. Have to give it time. Are you tired?”

She shook her head. “Not very much.”

And he was quiet a moment, stroking along her back. “So, this is kind of weird. I mean, I had a question, but it’s a really weird one, and I don’t want you getting the wrong idea.”

She nearly headbutted his shoulder. “Ask.”

Before it got weirder, or he rambled into the night, or she had a chance to get scared behind that trickle of apprehension that had started.

He sighed, shaking his head for a second. “Okay, it was something my mom said. It sounded like she was hinting that she warned you that since you’re pregnant that I might… I don’t even…”

“Have some extracurricular activities?” Jungah asked, a hint of wryness in her voice that both had him groaning and laughing.

“Fuck, so she did talk to you today.”

“Well, no. She actually told me that at the charity gala.”

“I—“ Minseok pulled her back, staring at her, aghast. “You’ve been thinking I’m going to cheat on you since then?!”

“I didn’t say I thought that! I just said that that’s when she told me.”

“Why… Why would she even introduce that as a thought? Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, even if you didn’t believe it, it had to have made you wonder. My own mother!”

“Hey, new husband, do you plan on cheating on me while I’m incubating your child? Because your mom thinks you might,” Jungah said, and Minseok’s whole face went a bit bemused.

“Okay, that would’ve been weird.”

“Maybe someone told her that when she was married, and she was returning the favor. I don’t know. And yeah, I thought about it for a while. But if I thought or planned on having you sleep around, then there was no way I could invest in getting to know you. And just because someone somewhere has done that, it doesn’t mean you would.”

“That’s an optimistic way of looking at it.”

Jungah shrugged a shoulder. “Realistic, maybe?”

“I’m not! Planning to, I mean. I hadn’t even— We’re starting a family, but you’re all I’ve wanted, so no.”

“Even when I get as big as a house? But you’re not planning to, so if it happens accidentally?” she teased.

And he huffed and pulled her back in, rocking her back and forth a little. “How could they compare to my wife?” he said, and it was so greasy and gross that she actually gurgled and he laughed until she squeezed him closer.

“Did you ever wish they’d chosen someone else?”

“No. You were better than some stranger, and I thought you were beautiful. I thought we could be a team. Protect each other from our parents.”

It made her exhale.

“Yes. Exactly. I’m glad other women weren’t just a given for you,” she said, pressing her face against his neck.

The kisses he pressed against the side of her head, the way he stroked along her back, it made her relax. The scent of him, the warmth of him, the comfort of being near him. “I feel like that would’ve been giving up on us.”

His words were serious then, not a tease, and she blinked rapidly as tears threatened. All she could do was nod, not trusting her voice. That was exactly it.

“I’m sorry,” he said, stroking against her back.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Jungah burbled at him. And she laughed through her tears as Minseok made squishy faces at her and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“All I want is us,” Minseok told her. “And we’re— We’re having a baby!”

Just them, and no one else. She was ready to celebrate with him.

***

Jungah almost felt normal, at least until she made her way out of the bathroom some mornings, including that day. Sometimes it felt almost like it was letting up. And then it just hit her in a new way, at new times. Minseok had kissed her cheek and was up already, and she could hear him humming to himself as he probably answered half a dozen emails while he absorbed his coffee. And oh, just the thought of coffee, smelling it had her clenching her teeth. She made it as far as a lounge chair, cuddling a cold bottle of water, from the mini fridge beside it, against her cheek and just breathing as she willed the world not to spin and her stomach not to protest.

She didn’t make any sounds, she thought, but Minseok was there within about 30 seconds, rubbing over her arm.

“Hey, you’re up. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Do you want me to take you out for breakfast to apologize?”

“I’d love that,” Jungah said, and put her hand over his, grimacing. “I don’t know if today is a breakfast kind of day, though.”

“Oh. I didn’t— Let me go get you something,” he said, kissing her shoulder and leaving her there. He was back ten minutes later with a plate of assorted bland crackers and a pretty glass of iced mint tea. He’d remembered what she’d curled up with the last time. And she just felt grateful, pressing her cheek against his when he bent down to hug her.

“You okay here for a bit? I just need to make a few calls.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Thanks.”

He nodded, and smiled before he left her there. Jungah nibbled on one of the crackers as she listened to him make a call and pace in the other room, and her head lifted a bit at the sound of her name.

“Yeah, Jungah’s not feeling so well today, so I’m going to stick around a while in case she needs anything. No, it’s early days yet, still. She’ll kick me out if she can’t stand me hovering.”

Jungah snorted and put her head back down on the plush arm of the lounge chair. It wasn’t as though he could stay home with her all the time. She didn’t expect that. But that he wanted to stay near her, that soothed her. She breathed into the cool tea and listened to the sound of his voice, and then nearly dropped the glass as she started dozing. But she put it safely down, arm curled over her belly and hoping to wake feeling better.

***

They had an early lunch, Minseok’s plan being to go back and work the afternoon. It had been nice to hear his voice in the other room, and when she’d woken, to actually sit in the room with him, reading news on her laptop and looking up to flutter her lashes or wiggle her fingers at him as he talked on the phone. His winks were so greasy that she had to exhale into her hands, peeking at him as he silently laughed at her.

“Have you ever changed a diaper?” she asked.

Though, the second she said it, she regretted it, because maybe diaper changing topics over lunch weren’t the best.

Though Minseok looked a bit scared at that thought. “I’ve seen them changed? We can practice on dolls, right?”

“I think so?”

“Do I have time to get a degree in this in the next six months?”

Jungah half concurred, but she also knew something very important.

“Sometimes the best way to learn is to do it. And we’ll have lots of chances.”

Not just chances to learn, chances to get better the more times they did it, but chances to learn together.

***

It had been a lovely evening out, a celebration with friends and not just family. Junhwa had been the one to arrange it, a small gathering of those closest, and Jungah made note to not be in the room when Junhwa wrested the opportunity to plan a baby shower from the hands of Jungah’s sisters. She could see that on the horizon. They’d made time for lunches, she and Junhwa, and Sejung, and the others. She’d have to remember to continue that, to cherish it, because she knew the birth of a baby would change just how easy her life was.

“I like this color on you,” Minseok said, skimming the rich pink of the shirt she wore as they stepped out of the elevator on their floor. He’d said something to compliment her on her outfit before they’d left, too, but there was a tone in his voice that had her glancing at him, raising her eyebrows.

“Do you?” she asked, deflecting the comment a bit as he edged against her, nudging her against the wall beside their door.

“I do. I couldn’t stop looking at you.” And Minseok leaned in, brushing his lips against her cheekbone. “And thinking about you out of it, too.”

Ah. She knew it, knew the way he stood, the way he leaned into her. She let him kiss her, his hands skimming her hips as they pressed together in the hall. And she would have climbed right up against him had it not been for the distant sound of a door opening. Oh, that made him laugh, keying them into the apartment and steadying her as they both got their shoes off. But it was Jungah who led him to the couch, sliding into Minseok’s lap and feeling him moan for her as she wriggled against him. It made her want, his hands sliding under her shirt, the way that he kissed her.

“Should we—“ Minseok panted, and Jungah shook her head, not wanting to move, not wanting to stop. She was aching, and it took all four of their hands to open Minseok’s pants, kissing between frantic tugs, and Minseok staring at her in awe as she sank around him. She was ready, more than ready, and he was too, his hands sliding against her skin, helping her to move. It felt like desperation, like she hadn’t had him to her satisfaction in years, when the reality was it had been less than a day. But even that had been too long, need so strong it almost scared her.

Minseok’s moans made her body burn, and Jungah rocked faster, squeezing around him and grinding against him. He squeezed at her thighs, her butt, urging her, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and shifted her weight so he could lift his hips with her. The slide of him, the drag of him inside her had her moaning and wiggling faster, gasping as her breasts moved in the confines of her bra and her body clawed at the pleasure he offered. Her thighs trembling, leaning harder into him and whimpering as he moved against her. Jungah’s breath caught as her hips twitched, again, again, pleasure rising, holding, and she sobbed into his neck as the orgasm stormed her, dazed her as she tried to keep rocking for him. She was clutching around him uncontrollably, and Minseok was moaning her name and thrusting up against her. They were locked like that, moving together, Jungah’s body in orgasmic aftershocks as Minseok’s moans got louder. He throbbed in her and she could feel his hips stuttering upwards as he came in her.

She had minutes of hazy joy, having enjoyed her man, gotten all that she had wanted. And after that, relaxing against him, came the trickle of embarrassment, the way she’d pounced on him and come around him. Though, he’d been hard when he’d opened his pants, and he’d been the one to start touching her in the hall. She just wondered if there was a level of wanton he would judge her for. To want when he wanted, there was a kind of luck in that. To want him, find pleasure with him.

“We finally broke in the couch,” Minseok almost purred against her neck.

Some of the tension seeped out of her and she chuckled. “Are you keeping a list?”

“I should! Bed, shower, wall, couch.”

“Floor,” she helpfully put in.

“Can’t forget the floor. What’s next, though? Should I put you on the table and eat you for breakfast?”

He grunted when she pinched him but the way she wiggled, she was pretty sure he knew she wouldn’t be against it.

She whined a bit standing up, but that was for the state of her knees and thighs. She’d been careful not to overdo it, but she wasn’t above being coddled by Minseok in the shower. Though there, she caught him glancing at her belly, the tiniest hinting curve of it. When he didn’t notice her looking at him, she framed her hands at her sides.

“Am I boiling yet?” Jungah asked.

He chuckled, kissing against her neck and smoothing back her wet hair.

“Absolutely scalding. You wore me out.”

And Jungah believed it when he didn’t even pinch her when she grinned.

***

Jungah felt as though she harbored too much inside of her. There was the new life, yes, their little blob that would become a human. Maybe it’d been the talk with him, that Minseok was committed to their marriage, or something more than that, and all of the proof of it from the day they had married to the care he showed her while she was feeling sick. Maybe it’d been something that had been building up so gradually that she didn’t even truly know. Her relief, though, to know he was invested in her, it wasn’t just some proprietary thing brought on by the stating of vows. They were each other’s only so far as the eyes of the law allowed. It wasn’t that he held her in the night, or wanted to please her, or had done the job their families anticipated in getting her pregnant.

It was all of those things, all of the years of memories, and little smiles, and the way he absently kissed her fingers as he was working.

She’d fallen in love. Oh, she loved him, but when it had become more than just fond memories and care for his wellbeing, she didn’t know. It hadn’t been during the giddy exhaustion of the wedding day, or the romps in the sand. But maybe it had been, too, because it’d been a start. Maybe when he had brought out his memory box, or when he’d tucked her against his side under an umbrella, or brought her stir fry on the couch. A hundred things they’d done for each other, a hundred touches, a hundred kisses, and it made her press her knuckles to her lips to realize that the life they’d made, the happiness they had, was something they could build on and keep and flourish. Jungah had somehow expected to be a figurehead, but being one half of a couple was not nearly so far removed. If she had thought it would be more like a job, she had underestimated things quite a lot.

Her eyes stung when she thought about being glad that she had not doubted him. And much like the baby, it was a realization, a gift, that she did not want to wait long to share.

The afternoon’s nausea passed in time for her to be able to stand the sight of food, and it steadied her to pull vegetables out of the fridge and start chopping them, small and even. It wouldn’t be an elaborate meal, but it would be something she’d made herself. They could share it, and it would be one expression of love, possibly leading into a second kind. She went through about half a dozen possible responses from Minseok. Horror, scorn, happiness. There was boredom, which had caused an extra bit of pain. She just wanted his eyes to go a little soft, to be glad even if he didn’t feel that way, too, yet. To cherish it.

What Jungah did end up doing was getting a text after dinner was almost finished, that Minseok was meeting up with some of his friends, and that he’d be late and she should order something in. She texted him back to have a good time, and maybe had a slightly larger than normal portion of the food she’d made. It was good, she praised herself, as she only sulked a little bit at the setback of her plans. She had just wanted to charge straight ahead, to rid herself of the waiting. And she actually nodded off on the couch before she heard the chime of the door. Maybe, if he wasn’t tired—

Minseok nearly fell over taking his shoes off. Jungah hicced out a laugh, rushing to him, steadying him and helping him get actually fully in the door.

“Smells like you had fun,” Jungah observed, the scent of soju heavy on him, almost like he’d soaked in it. Maybe he had.

“Mmm, was fun. You’re so gorgeous. My friends are so jealous. Pretty Jungah,” Minseok said, touching her face and tilting his head like he was seeing her for the first time. “Pretty wife. You know you’re really beautiful?”

He said it, like he hadn’t said essentially the same thing a moment before, and she tried not to be too flattered by the ravings of a drunken man.

“Thank you,” she told him, and she cuddled him close, hoping he wasn’t going to just knock them both over. But all he did was cuddle her, and an angry drunk apparently he was not.

“You smell nice,” Minseok murmured, humming against her and inhaling deeply. “You smell like…”

His words trailed of as Jungah’s eyebrows rose.

“I smell like what?” Jungah prompted, poking him in case he was going to try and fall asleep on her standing up.

“Mm. Home,” Minseok said, pressing a smacking kiss against her cheek. “Why?”

Jungah chuckled, shaking her head. “No reason. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Minseok had only had to squint a little to get his toothbrush in his mouth, and she helped him to strip, rolling him into the bed and covering up all that gleaming skin before getting at least half a glass of water in him.

“Wife,” he said a bit pitifully, patting her side of the bed. She took his hand, sliding into bed beside him.

“Your wife has a name, you know,” Jungah told him, but he was already slack and most of the way asleep. But he’d wanted her near him, which was something cute of itself. She’d have to tease him about it another time, when he was awake and not impaired. He was so deeply asleep that when she rested her hand against his face, stroked back a lock of his hair, he didn’t move. She’d just have to put off her plans a little. Just a little while.

***

Minseok with a hangover was almost as cute as Minseok when he was tired, but Jungah had sympathy for him on that, soothing him when he blinked blearily up at her. He tipped his face to hers, kissing her, and making her feel like the one who was being taken care of. But Minseok was out of bed without complaint, off to inhale his coffee without assaulting her with the smell of it before she figured out what her stomach was going to do. But it let her slip out of bed, humming as she belted her robe closed and tried not to look too sleepy as Minseok greeted her with a spoon in his mouth.

“Good morning, husband,” Jungah teased, and Minseok squinted at her, his hair still askew. She patted it down as he still tried to think that through while he ate more yogurt. “You ordered me to bed like that last night. Wife!”

She patted the table, trying to imitate Minseok’s expression, and Minseok gurgled in laughter, tipping his head back as he swallowed.

“I did not!”

“Maybe not quite like that. It was a little more needy than that. It was cute. Mostly.”

Ooh, and yogurt was the smell of the day as she backed away until he could gulp more coffee. Then, he could get close enough to kiss her.

“Wife,” Minseok said soft, brushing his lips against hers.

“Blob,” Jungah said, pressing his hand against her belly.

“Hey, Blob is less blobby now. How needy?” Minseok needed to know.

Jungah pretended to think about it as she stretched and made her way back toward their room, knowing he’d be following shortly. But before she left the room, she let out a deep and dramatic wail of, “Wiiiiife.”

She just barely held in the laughter as she heard Minseok stomp his foot because his mouth was full. But Jungah curled in the squishy chair in their room, grinning innocently as Minseok came back into the room. He brushed his hand against her outstretched one, and she watched as he picked through his suits, baring his torso for a nice moment before tugging an undershirt over his head.

“Evil undershirt. Least favorite part of the day,” Jungah said, sighing, and Minseok glanced back at her, chuckling, his voice still rusty.

He tugged up the hem of it, giving her a peep show for a moment. She clapped and oohed accordingly, and Minseok laughed for real.

“If I was half as whiny as I think I was last night, I’m not sure how you didn’t just spank me and put me to bed.”

Jungah’s eyebrows rose. “It was tempting. But you were very complimentary to me.”

“Good thing I don’t completely lose common sense when I’m drunk. I’d say never again, but that could be impossible.”

“Not very often for your head’s sake, then?” she suggested, and he agreed, looping his tie around his neck. It took only a few more minutes of that before he was dressed, his slacks perfectly pressed, his suit jacket just so. He got into his shoes by the door, his bag and phone already there from the night before, and that was when he turned back to her, pulling her into a hug before he would say goodbye. He inhaled against her, holding her close like he didn’t want to leave her and it made it hard for her to breathe for a moment, with nothing that had to do with how tight he held her.

“Be safe,” she said, pressing her cheek against his neck. His arms were so solid around her, and the way he had kissed her when she woke him up, it squeezed her inside, her heart, her throat. She didn’t want him to leave one more time without knowing. “I love you.”

Heat rose into Jungah’s cheeks as it took a moment for him to still, to realize. He made a small sound and instead of pulling her back to stare at her, he pulled her back and kissed her. Soft, urgent little kisses as he held her near, and she kissed him back, delighted, surprised at the sudden outburst of affection.

“You,” was all he said, stopping, his face still too close for her to open her eyes to see, and it took her a moment to wonder what he was saying.

“Yes?” she said, after realizing maybe he was looking for confirmation, and that seemed to be the case as he stroked down her hair and kissed her again before pulling her even closer than they had been hugging to begin with.

That brought her face to face with the door Minseok had been meaning to go out of, and she smiled, leaning into him.

“You’ll be late,” she reminded him, and then almost purred when he groused and snugged her a bit tighter.

“How do you just expect me to _leave_ when you say that.”

“You can’t just skip work all the time,” Jungah scolded, and he was too cute when he pulled back far enough to look down at his shoes that were already on. “Besides, I’m going to be here when you get home.”

“Oh yeah,” he said, blinking at her like that was something new and not what had been happening most days of their marriage. “Yeah!”

All Jungah could do was laugh, letting him kiss her one more time before patting at him and picking up his bag so that he could go.

Minseok’s smile was absent and still a bit startled when he told her goodbye, and when the door closed, Jungah didn’t even know what to do with herself, half prancing back toward the living room and flapping her arms a little as she tried to get her emotions under control. He hadn’t seemed completely shocked, and he’d seemed really pleased, too. Really pleased. She pressed the backs of her fingers against her cheeks and willed the flush to pass.

She spent the next minutes imagining him running back to tell her that he’d forgotten to tell her something. It was a sweet thought, but him just being pleased with it was so much of what she had hoped. But it was still on her mind an hour later, when the door chime sounded, even though she knew that Minseok would have just come right in. It was a delivery, one that was in her name, and she sat, pulling at the paper packing to unveil the contents. Imported crackers, samplers of iced tea bags, lotion that was unscented for days she couldn’t stand the scent of her own favorites. The last was a CD, music for morning sickness, and it made her smack her head against the jewel case for a moment as she laughed.

There was a note, one probably composed a day or two before. “Some new things to try. I hope you like them. — Minseok”

Jungah had been daydreaming of Minseok arriving to tell her he loved her. She cradled the note and felt he almost had.

***

There was an antsiness under her skin that kept Jungah going that day. She re-arranged her desk, made lists in the kitchen, scrubbed at a particularly stubborn stain on one of her shirts. When that all failed to distract her, and sitting down and reading after lunch had her fidgeting, she went out, browsing shops, getting a smoothie and trying to tell herself that nothing changed. The little routines they’d fallen into, the teasing him about nearly bowling her flat when she was five, or falling asleep listening to his heartbeat. He’d made such an effort integrating her, keeping her close, connected, beaming at her when she had delighted him. Or his eyes going soft sometimes when he touched her.

She could read so much into that, and it made her want to shudder to think of losing it, fearing the distance that she had mostly expected when they had married, but that he had never offered. Nothing had to change.

Jungah was in the elevator going back up to the condo when her phone chimed.

“Do you think you’ll feel up to dinner out?” Minseok texted her. “I can come pick you up in an hour.”

She typed back, “I’ll be ready. Where are we going?”

And she was inside of the door when Minseok was cryptic in his response.

“One of your favorites. Wear the green dress?”

It was one of his favorites, a new dress she’d gotten just a couple of weeks before. It was also not a casual dress, which told her that the restaurant wasn’t casual either. He liked surprising her with things like that, watching her reaction to a new place, a new menu. But if it was a favorite restaurant, then they’d been there, and knowing she had to dress had her texting back her agreement and moving fast to start getting ready. All she had to do then was meet him at the car, listening to his tale of the day and clearing her throat when Minseok got a little grumbly at people cutting them off and delaying their trip.

“Is dinner going to get cold before we get there?” she asked, and Minseok grinned a bit sheepishly.

But they were ushered in, without more than a few seconds of waiting. Only, they weren’t led toward their usual table, instead they went along a hallway, being led into an elevator and up, out into a room that looked like event storage more than anything else. Minseok saw her confusion and kept her arm in his, guiding her until they were led out one final door.

But it wasn’t to a dining room, not really. Oh, there was a table there, and chairs. There were flowers on the table, a half dozen short little candles dancing. But it was on the roof, on some kind of portable flooring, surrounded by arches covered in tiny lights, and nothing but the sky above them. Jungah could even hear music, from some hidden speakers she guessed, and Minseok was watching her as she gawked around.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s gorgeous.”

And completely not what she had been expecting. Minseok helped her to sit, and they were handed the menus after they had chosen their drinks. She opted for sparkling water, and she thought that he might have as well so that he didn’t drink in front of her, but that was the least of her concerns. They sent along their orders with the waiter, and Minseok smiled at her, reaching for her hand and taking it.

“Want to dance while we’re waiting?”

Their glasses were left abandoned on the table, and Minseok kept hold of her hand as they wound together, swaying to the music.

“You are full of surprises,” Jungah said, still staring at the lights that were strung around.

Minseok puffed up a little bit like a penguin. “You’re fun to surprise.”

“Am I?”

Oh, he definitely went someplace dirty, there, and she raised an eyebrow at him. She knew he liked the dress, but as private as it was, there were definitely limits.

“I’ve told you that I was happy that they chose us for each other,” Minseok said, his face close to hers. “I thought we’d be good together, but it’s more than that. Jungah, you— I love you.”

It was so gentle, so urgent and natural that it sent prickles across her skin, and the tears that sprung to her eyes, they weren’t something that she could help even as she tried to hold them back. She’d wanted to hear it. She’d known. Hoped. And when she opened her mouth, ready to half-sob at him, she thought of all the lights around them, the special table, the expense.

“Is that what all of this is for?” Jungah asked, and he nodded at her, searching her eyes. It nearly made her tear up again. “You didn’t have to do all of this.”

“I needed to. I wanted to show you, too.”

They’d given up on all pretense of dancing, at that point, and she just wrapped herself around him, Minseok holding her back tightly right away.

“Minseok,” she half chastised, and he laughed, nuzzling against her hair.

“I left out the ponies and the fireworks.”

She wasn’t sure why she was half worried that he meant it.

“The orchestra?”

“Too short notice,” Minseok said, sighing heavily and making her almost shriek with laughter as he pretended to bite her chin. “I got so addled. You handed me just this perfect… I had to do something.”

She’d stolen the thunder, maybe. Or maybe he’d just needed some of the things around them to bolster himself. It didn’t matter. If he’d whispered it in the dark, told her with sauce all over his face, she’d still have been happy. Everything she saw, he’d done for them.

“Minseok,” she said, leaning into him harder, and he stroked along her back, murmuring to her.

Only because of the gentle knock, and the waiter returning with their food, did they break apart and Jungah really realized how strange it all was.

“How did you get them to allow us to eat on the roof?” she asked.

Minseok had pulled his chair around by hers, so their knees brushed as he sat back down, his eyes mischievous . “That’s going to be my secret.”

They ate in the warm evening air, the subtle sound of music, the sounds of the city around them. There was no one there to judge how loud they laughed, or how close they sat, or when Minseok leaned in to kiss her, or to feed her from his own fork.

When they were home again, in a different kind of privacy, there was nothing different in the way that Minseok’s hands smoothed against her skin after he had peeled the dress from her. It had been good she had worn it, because she could feel the beginnings of it being snug. There was a knowing, behind it, that behind the way he cherished her, behind the way he pleased her, that there was something else. Her body had known him before her heart had, but he curled moans from her, urged her to hold him, kissed her, needing and gentle at the same time. He moaned her name, and in that moment, it was everything.

Jungah curled against him after, wrapped up in a robe and in the scent of him, the way he stroked her hair and let her arrange herself so that he was pressed up against her back and holding her.

“You’re on my side of the bed,” she teased him, and Minseok laughed, cuddling her tighter.

“Love you,” he told her, and it made her turn her head, kissing him again.

“I love you, too,” she said, and just saying it like that had her wiggling back against him. He kissed against her cheek, sighing as they both relaxed.

“Goodnight, blob,” Minseok murmured toward her belly.

It made Jungah smile, resting her hand over Minseok’s.

***

It was Jungah’s first launch party. A new line of phones from the Obelus Group was reason for fanfare, and Minseok was high in demand. He’d been on the go since way before she’d been ready to get out of bed that morning, and she’d dressed with Junhwa before heading to the venue. He’d promised her that she could leave if she got tired, or there would be a room at least that she could go to get away from it all and relax. Jungah wasn’t sure but the fact that Minseok could actually see more of the curve of her belly had Minseok even more protective.

Usually it took only a raised finger for Minseok to back off, though. It was her subtle way of letting him know that she knew her body, and her limits, and that she appreciated his concern. But the room was already crowded when she got there, and she sat through the announcements, the presentation. The chairs were all swept away, some at the sides to make room for mingling and showing off. Some people recognized her, greeting her, and Minseok’s assistant found her first, ushering her through the crowd after she’d waved at Junhwa to let her know she was going. Minseok was smiling, talking to a couple she didn’t know, and at motion approaching him, his head turned.

He didn’t just smile at her, he beamed, turning, greeting her like she was the only person in the room and nearly taking away her breath as he tucked her against him. He introduced her as Jungah, his wife, and she was greeted warmly. She could feel the tension in Minseok, that he wanted to tug her away, but he stuck with it until they moved away, and that was when he pulled her closer, pressed his lips against her cheek.

“I saw the presentation. It was wonderful,” she said. She’d had a place right near the front, too, to appreciate Minseok as he made his speech and demonstration.

“I caught a glimpse of you in all the activity, but I think you were talking to Junhwa when I waved.” And he got right close to her ear, whispering. “It’s a zoo in here. What have I been doing without you?”

Minseok got her a drink, and they socialized, with Jungah staying close to Minseok’s side at least for an hour or so. It seemed like he could tell she was flagging almost as soon as she did, and he started edging with her towards the side, whispering a promise that he would find a place for her to sit a while, soon.

There were so many strangers, and vague acquaintances in the room, so many people who met them and wondered how she and Minseok had met, how they were together. There was family, too, but they had expectations of a different kind, and hopes as well. Jungah smiled at Minseok as he talked and he caught her looking, smiling back.

It didn’t matter what anyone else thought of their marriage. If anyone doubted, they would see.

***


End file.
